Mississippi Moments

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Learned all about Autism Spectrum Disorder today.
Some valuable things and strategies.
About ready to do HW for the day's class.

I am not only learning much about special education. I am learning how I have changed as a student in a class with other adult learners. I really don't care that I am a one and only in this group. That is a big change because that could be dangerous ground as a 4 who feels left out anyway. I didn't come here to belong to a group anyway. I came here to learn. I also came prepared to work hard. The difference now is that I don't need to impress anyone else and certainly not the facilitators. I am not in it for the grade and I certainly won't make any more money for this. There is no huge exam to pass. It's learning to learn. And I am coming away with the latest research, law, strategies, and examples from the people who are doing it in the trenches and driving the train for the state of WA. I coul dmake a really bad joke about driving the little yellow bus for the state instead but I won't because that would be really bad form. There was a lot of insensitive joking today about learners with autism designations. Made me uncomfortable.

There is a little inner tension when I get caught up in the energy of that old pattern of needing to be perfect, to impress, to be the best in the class and make sure everyone else knows it while I am at it.... and since this is my blog, I can have my self-therapy session right here and you can go look at the comics or youtube. I laugh at myself when I even think those thoughts or breathe into that gut energy...like sniffing an old pair of soccer shoes you forgot to put talc in or a drier sheet. The stink isn't too bad but it is still there. I laugh at myself and take a look on the inside and "AH! There used to be a hole here." Ain't no more. And then I wonder gently why I can't just take a class to just take a class without all this other baggage/ Truth is, I can. But the impulse is still there like when I get the scissors out and have the impulse to give myself a haircut or do my own bangs. Something you outgrow, manage, but never quite get rid of. I kept my mouth shut a lot today. I conserved my energy. Maintained poise. Offered up some ideas and then pulled back. Did my fair share. And looked forward to my nap. (Which I didn't take but I can sleep on Saturday.)

I get impatient with the one (and now there are two) people in the class who punctuate every single item with their personal stories. To the class. I am sure we all need to hear every bloody anecdote about every key concept.(Italics denote sarcasm) It will empower us and improve our skill sets. That's when I read ahead.

Need to do HW. Hopefully I will sleep tonight. Makes for long days. And nights.


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