Mississippi Moments

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Okay, so we had a little accident...my fault entirely, not his.
We had a great play session in the kitchen and then I forgot to take him outside afterwards...I was a little shaken up today when I turned on the radio for the first time and heard Neil! I shouldn't have been surprised. I knew he was here in the Northwest and would probably be working the garden show, something he loves to do, and he is always on the radio with Sam and Ciscoe. I just forgot for the moment...and in that moment, tones of feelings came flooding back-like how much part of my Core Heart still loves him. How I have missed our chats after his long days of working the garden shows and all the interesting people he has met...or the angels walking around. (There have been many.) It was good to hear him laugh. But it discombooberated me for the rest of the day--and into this evening. I totally ruined my dinner because most of it didn't make it into the pan and slid down into the area under the element. I was planning to make bread but decided not to because I couldn't concentrate to measure properly and I made a promise to myself never to bake bread when the energy wasn't one of peaceful, love-filled intent. So I am honoring that promise. Little Man and I had some fun and then I crated him for his own good. and mine. My nap this afternoon produced a set of crazy dreams, the likes of which I haven't had in a while--I was beating the crap out of Neil again for leaving and lying...while Jack Nicholson and Diane (the one who always wears men's suits to the Oscars-can't temember her last name) were drunker than skunks in Sturgess at the Harley convention and they were singing karoake...all the while I am whaling on Neil and trying not to laugh too hard at those other two stumbling around and screwing up the songs. Whew. Not sure I want to go to bed tonight but I really need to sleep well.
Things are better now on the outside. The kitchen in somewhat cleaned up. I wrapped a package for mailing. I called my mother and she helped me put some perspective on the whole thing. I put on some Heart-quieting music. I am beginning to Breathe again. 2x4 moments--I think I have done the work, humbly and honestly looked at myself, the relationship, and stepped into forgiveness not once, but many times and it was finished...and then, minor boom! Boy, am I glad this puppy is here.


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