Mississippi Moments

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Sundays are sometimes hard.
Today was one of those. They just seem kind of lonely when I get quiet and between tasks or napping or walking.
I'm not complaining. I am quite aware and content with the choices I have made in the past and how the natural consequences, like lonely Sunday afternoons, are here because of those choices. And I'm fine with that. I wouldn't change a thing and I wouldn't sell myself short by accepting less than what was life-giving and truth-filled in my most important relationships. What I'm really trying to say is I miss Neil a lot on these first cozy, wet, winter-portent Sundays in the early fall and I miss my girls. Fiona's birthday is tomorrow. She will be 16 in earth years where she is now. I wonder how they celebrate in eternity. I'll find out when I get there.
It has been a cozy day. I've had a fire going since the wee hours.
Another night of strange dreams.
I learned how to cook real rice today. I also made the kitchen smell good by cooking up a real Surridge-style breakfast, complete with veggie sausage and everything in an old skillet. Seemed like the right thing to do.
Cedar and I had a lovely long wet walk in the rain this afternoon and a couple of short games of Sheltie ball. I enjoyed doing yardwork on Friday afternoon. I enjoyed spending time with the fam-damily on Sat. night in Maude's kitchen. Somethings don't change and don't need to. Even Loolie came. Lovely.
I did make it down to the Adoptive Parent support group this afternoon. I don't know how to explain it but it is becoming painful to go. Has been for the last 6 months. I'm certainly not the only wannabee. And the women there are good women. Hardworking women coming for support and time together. It was neat to see the 14 month old Vietnamese little girl of one of the other mothers waddling around. She will be almost 3 years old before my child is here...maybe.
We did a life-giving exercise for our check-in this time. We were asked to make a list of all the women and men who have influenced us the most in how and what we value and want to pass on to our children. It was a fun thing to do on a rainy afternoon. I'm going to put mine in my journal. The lovely thing is that I could have gone on and on because there are so many who have gifted my life and what I value and who are still the Gift today. My village is quite in place, for me, for my child, for all of us.
One thing made me sad today. The one pitbull with whom I have had positive contact had to be put down for killing a smaller dog. The other pitbull with whom he was adopted is being evaluated, but the family isn't hopeful that she will be kept alive.
She was part of the melee, they just haven't pinpointed how much. I'm just glad it wasn't a kid involved. SO, yes, I am species-ist. I cannot tolerate pitbulls. Anytime. I am sad for the family-of Charlie, the pit pup, the family of the smaller dog (these are friends who had agreed to keep Charlie and his sister-pit for four months until their owner could come back and make arrangements for them to come to Ireland where they are now living.)And something triggered Charlie in the backyard and that was it for the smaller dog. Sad. very sad. And I am carrying a walking stick again when I walk with Squishy--and a very powerful can of mace. I hope never to have to use it.
What is the appeal of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies? Someone 'splain this to me, please. I was happy to have been given the chance to view #2. Did so. It gave me a headache there was so much to see all at once. Give me Katharine Hepburn anyday.
Dad'll enjoy them I'll take them by this week for him.
Must get to some hemming and ironing afore the week begins. It is not so crazy this week. I think but I really haven't checked the calendar yet. This cold is giving me a very tight neck and shoulders.


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