Mississippi Moments

Monday, March 23, 2009

So, I wake up in a bad mood most mornings.
Coffee, an intentional walk and/or workout at Curves usually unhooks the 4-bad mood hooks that are wrapped around my brain and consciousness. The apathy thing is something else. Not really working on that one just very aware of it. Afraid to hope. Afraid to grab the joy that's there and believe that it's real and for me. Afraid to plant something because it will just leave anyway or die from my not being able to nurture it or not belong in my garden. Maybe that's why I haven't picked up the harp really since Fiona died. (Ouch, that's hard to write.) And getting things in order for the "adoption"...notice it is still in quotation marks. Like I have my hands in the air and am gesturing as I say the word. Doesn't seem real even though I talk about it with a few folks here and there. I hate it when someone asks about it. Most people who come into my circle don't. I'm glad. It is a source of pain and crap.

I found a book on St. Joseph yesterday in the pew at Mass. It had me hooked. I should say the book found me. I left it there but not before I had read at least half of it. St. Joe isn't someone who has been on my radar-really, ever. Ok, ask and the teacher will come. I'll start by saying "Hello".

Managed to do the things on my list yesterday and end with a walk, a teacup of riesling, a fire, and a shower. These days, I can't keep track of whether I have or no, I am working all the time. No complaints. Just a what is. If you are working and moving and distracted, then it is hard for those two-by-fours from the Cosmos to hit you and hurt you.


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