..."my Christmas vision would embrace scenes of snowy lanes and warm, cozy cottages with bright frosty windows and lazy wreaths of wood smoke rising from the chimneys....but the Christmas of _____ bore no resemblance to any such scenes."--Thomas Kinkaide, "The Many Loves of Christmas

Last year, I had snowy lanes, warm cozy cottage, frosty windows, smoke and evergreen wreaths, this year, much of the same (without snowy lanes). And much the same this year and a sense that I have already had my Christmas and that there is still more to come. A cup of Christmas tea with Miz Sister Theresa from Jonestown today to catch up on all the news. The last of the shopping. Still cannot find the kitchen table but the recycling bin is once more full of teacher junk that is no longer needed. Boy, does that feel good to do that. Washed all the classroom smocks, whiteboard and slate cloths. Did other laundry. Played with this funny, funny pup and enjoyed several chapters of Sense and Sensibility while he was getting a sense of the treadmill. I can "jog" next to him on the floor and he thinks I am walking with him. Works for both of us as long as I have a pocket full of turkey jerkey to offer his way everytime Marianne has a conniption or Elinor stuffs her emotions so she can be respectable. Then we both get our sensibilities in gear for a rousing game of sheltie ball in the backyard to celebrate. Went to Jazz Alley last night to hear David Lanz. What a pleasure. Another thing checked off my list of want-to-do's. Enjoyed dinner and the company.

A lovely time at the Market with Kilt Boy of the Millennia. In this lifetime, we have been friends for 28 years. In other lifetimes, I've quit counting. He always shows up. The Chalice of Remembrance has become a Chalice of Let's Live This Thing and Be Friends The Whole Time. I wonder what kind of a deal we made before we got to this lifetime. And I wonder what is on the docket for the next?

I am missing my dogs. Fiona, Sadie, Cedar. There was an old girl dog outside the bookstore this afternoon waiting for her person. She and I made eye contact and smiled a few times and she woofed to let her person know that SHE WAS WAITING. Boy, did I hear Fiona in that woof and tooth! Made me smile inside (and out).

There is something to be said about being in a place of waiting. Not knowing. Not knowing how to care. And frequently not caring. I don't know what is to be said about this place. Sticking to what I know. Stepping into some new thoughts and practices around forgiveness and not letting other people's shit/bad energy/problems into my sphere of life. It is actually working. And laying off the alcohol--but not the Christmas tea. Looking out for myself ahead of times and trusting myself when it gets rough. Accessing the resources and support when I need them. And a little tree covered mostly with angels and hearts...and Hope. It's Real. So is Love. And Christmas. It's Real. It's Here....