So I've had my head in the toilet or the other half of me on it every 20-25 minutes since I came home from work yesterday afternoon and was changing into my clothes to teach dance with Sara at my favorite place (Phinney) when...onmygoodness, not so good...hard, rough night...and I'm pissed because I couldn't go to Genevieve's funeral or burial today. I have held sacred space and kept a candle lit for part of the day... I managed to keep a cup of weak tea down and some dry toast. Really want some form of veggie chicken soup...will manage that later. I didn't get to go on the field trip to Tillicum Village today either and that had been one of the perks for teaching 4th grade...as you know, this year hasn't been my favorite but I have tried to groove with things and keep an open mind and attitude. Life is just better that way. I've messed up, too. Glad for that. I am learning. It means I am truly, honestly alive. which brings me to a phone call today from the new adoption agency. MY adoption counselor called to see where things were with the gov't paperwork. I told her the fingerprinting went fine on Monday and that I even met another family who was in almost the same boat as me (China switching to Vietnam) but they are staying with the original agency that I was with and are going to be one of the "pioneer families" going to Vietnam. We even made a playdate for our kids to get together in 2-3 years. I was totally HAPPY because it was the first REAL THING that has happened in ages....then the call today. The real news was that the main office in St. Louis has been evaluating the trickle of referrals coming from Vietnam, and it is a trickle--but okay, someday the faucet might open up more)...she said she wanted me to know that it is going to be MORE THAN TWO YEARS FOR A REFERRAL(After I get on the waiting list-which doesn't happen until the US gov't gives the okay which should be in 6 weeks) and then it is 9-12 months after that before we go to get baby. How's that for news. My first response was--more time to get the room ready, more time to take classes, more time...blah, blah, blah. I told her not to call me again unless she has happy news for me because I was tired of these kinds of calls. She said okay. I told her I wouldn't call unless I had happy news to brighten her day. So, I am too sick to think about this right now but in between ralphs last night, I had a dream where they were handing out green jello bits that would make you pregnant. I was the last one to think about it and then I took and ate four knowing that I would be pregnant faster than the jello could make it to my stomach. I'll be 48 the way things are going before there is a child in this house....when I feel better, I'm going to make some decisions. This is shit. I was invited by a family from school yesterday to go to Eithiopia with them this summer.....................