Mississippi Moments

Friday, May 23, 2008

Let's start with this--
"Live in the present.
Do all the things that need to be done.
Do all the good you can each day.
The future will unfold."----Peace Pilgrim.

These are the words I live by. Literally.
And a whole lot more. But this is it.
Take a deep breath and let them sidle through you, perhaps taking hold.

Groggy this morning. Took some drugs to help me sleep last night. Because I did yardwork and put in the beginnings of a garden to tend and enjoy this summer. I will do more of that this weekend in between report cards, SLE's, end of the year wrap up and family gatherings. We are not dancing this year at Folklife. However there are two amazing groups you might wish to enjoy-Town Cryer Monday 11:40 at the NW Court Stage. These musicians are layered, abundant, catchy, funny, cute, good-hearted, and talented...and you should hear their music! The other group is the McKassons-same stage in Sun. night (late) at 9:20 pm.

It's been a tough couple of days. I had been lulled into what I called "chronos". For this 4, this means that life seemed to be getting back to normal. You know, normal. FOr me, that is soothing and what I know to be best for me. And then, WHOMP, more "kairos"--standing at the Good-bye Door again (for Nancy Flohr), standing at the Endings crossroads with my friend Sue who is moving on to something else in her life other than full-time teaching, dancing the dance about Cancer again(it happened to slip off of my radar for a bit), wondering what else might be joining us....reading about the Steven Curtis Chapman family and the grief and horror they are going through right now. And as I settle in, remembering not be afraid in this place of DEEP feeling, of what seems to be Loss, Pain, Despair, Abandonment...the Truth is--I am not in this Sacred Circle alone at all...and the Truth is that it is a Sacred Place--of Quiet Peace, Real Peace, Love, Healing, Presence, Unity, Connection, Eternity and Quiet Joy.
And I'm not Alone.

The appointment with my surgeon went very well yesterday. The incision is healing well. It is still lumpy and tender--but oh well. It is healing just fine.
She confirmed and affirmed the original assessments of my situation. What was so hard about the day before yesterday at SCCA was the manner in which news and assessments were presented. There was a lot of extraneous information that I didn't need. But I understand from speaking with others, that at SCCA, they are known for making sure that those in their care have ALL of the facts. At SCCA, things seemed to be more serious and they were viewing my tumor and type as 'intermediate" which to them means "serious" and "High" and so the oncologist was presenting treatment options and numbers for that scenario. Here is what I believe I heard clearly after yesterday's discussion and time processing what went on at SCCA:
1. The re-excision was a success. The healing is on track.
2. There is a 20-30% chance this cancer can come back.
3. It is more serious for people who get it in their trunk (that's where they classify the chest area) than those who get it in their extremities.
4. Only 1-2 people out of every 100,000 in the US who are diagnosed with sarcoma get this kind I was found to have.
5. I will schedule a bone scan in the near future as a baseline.(At SCCA, they have concerns about some things that showed up around my lungs and tow of my lymph nodes.)
6. I will schedule a mammogram as soon as school is out. (They found another lump in my lower left breast. I am not concerned. I have dense fibroid whatevers there anyway). We'll cross that bridge if it is something else, she says bravely.
7. I will schedule my next CT scan for around Lughnasaidh. Every three months for this next year.
8. I will meet with Dr. Astrid Pujari for support in the follow-up wellness plan I am creating for myself.
9. I will meet with a nutritional counselor at SCCA to evaluate and direct that aspect. I will schedule therapy and massage as needed.
10. I will keep reading bits and pieces of the helpful books and information that other survivors and helpful folks give to me.

And for the other. These next few weeks, I am going to concentrate on saying good-bye to Nan, doing assessments and report cards and all the other end of the year stuff at school, enjoy family, friends, and Fletcher, spend copious amounts of time walking my dog at ungodly early hours, and nurture this little garden that is unfolding. We will get the mice out and the raccoons...and yardwork. The weeds are winning but I just haven't showed up yet. It's coming.

Oh, and I am finding ways to do "Out email" so I can reply to what I am receiving. Enjoy this soft day, Beloveds.


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