Mississippi Moments

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Call it Being...Silence

"The reality that is present to us and in us:
call it Being...Silence.
And the simple fact that by being attentive,
by learning to listen
(Or recovering the natural capacity to listen)
we can find ourselves engulfed in such happiness
that it cannot be explained:
the happiness of being one with everything
in that hidden ground of Love
for which there can be no explanations....
May we all grow in grace and peace,
and not neglect the silent that is printed
on the center of our being.
It will not fail us."------Thomas Merton

I am recovering the natural capacity to listen....and it is telling me to sit on my butt and be still. Sit there. Listen.
I am finding that I am resting for my Life, from my former Life, for this Life.
It goes deep. I gave A LOT Of energy away. No regrets. Time to restore and use what is there wisely and joyfully.

And then there is Oscar Wilde's work turned into movies---An Ideal Husband, for example. What a sharp, sardonic, astute, reflexive gift he had to observe and communicate the human craptastic being. And the costumes in this are amazing and it is a comedy of sorts with some heavy hitters--Cate Blanchett, Jeremy Northam, Minnie Driver, and that cute guy from My Best Friend's Wedding. Put in on your list of movies to watch when the weather gets dark and wet. Popcorn optional.

Learning to listen also means paying attention to Dreams again---
It has not been fun having what I call the "Has Been" Dream five nights running.
The basics of this:
Has Been Teacher
Has Been Dancer
Has Been/Never Been Parent
**Seems to be the fears are coming out to play. Same dream. Same craptastic pit of my stomach feelings when I wake up in the morning. Don't want to get up. Do anyway. Coffee. Prayer. Dogsnuggles, walks, and play. Water the garden. Not always in that order. Always helps everything except the feelings that linger. Journaling gives those a place to go.
My Truth, My Life, My Gratitude for all of This from My Loving Lord--that's what is Real.

I have been emptying tubs and boxes of stuff from my former lives in San Diego, Fredericksburg, Montgomery, Pensacola, Killeen, and Seattle. It has all come up just in the last week and a half. A few a day and that is enough-physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have a goal to have the tubs down to one for Christmas stuff, one for crafts, and one for camping. Maybe one for wrapping paper. It is working. I am somewhat impatient. There is a whole lot of love in the process but I don't need or want any of this stuff anymore. None of it. I have what I need in my Heart. I've also given away or returned everything that I have amassed for the adoption. Now I really have an open heart and open space for what may be. And no attachment. Wow is that a freeing spot in which to Be. There is a whole lot of room for joy and belly laughs. And fun with the kids that do show up for whatever amount of time.

I dug up the Doggy Doolie last night. I hurt today but it was the thing to do from my list. It has been there for years. It was full of "stuff" from Fiona and Sadie. It was not user-friendly although the concept certainly is a practical one for disposing of waste. Everything was composted nicely. I bring this up because God can turn anything in your life into compost. I added another container of current compost to it and managed to keep Cedar out of it. We dug in another place together. He is such a lovely boy-dog. And there is a patch of my favorite rose campion flowers back there that must have come through the fence from the neighbors. How lucky is that!?!

Didn't make it to my class down in Renton. Not enough energy. Made a trip to the Animal Shelter with stuff they can use there. Mailed off a box of dictionaries to Jonestown. They need stuff like that and I am not taking more of that for folks. They can send it directly there themselves. I am happy to provide the address.

Had a sweet surprise of a visit last night from Mary and Caitlin Gallagher last night.
For you dancer types, Dale Russ and Mike Saunders are playing at Phinney Center for the contradance on August 1st. What a way to celebrate Lughnasaidh! Maybe Fletcher will wanna go dance on his birthday to the best musicians in the world with lots of lovely people? I'll have to ask him.

Harp camp this weekend. Squishy is at Camp Alice. He practically jumped through the car window when we drove up. Alice was at the front door barking for breakfast and her bark changed when Cedar presented himself! Out comes Auntie Lydia and Little Man starts sniffing all over her---talk about overachieving....she had been up cutting up and preparing beef livers already! Squishy will have the time of his life....and so will I. We were at the vet yesterday. Squishy eats spiders and one bit back. His body didn't like that. I forget if I already wrote about that one. Either way, we are both on fish oil and more exercise. Helps strengthen our immune systems. Did Curves this morning. Barely. Thankfully. And then went to Fred Meyer's and treated myself to some new workout pants---last ones I got were from when I taught for NW Irish dancers. Time for new ones. I am in better shape than those days anyhow. Inside and out. Still haven't found a dress. Haven't had the courage to go. Not yet. Soon though. it's not a big deal---so it's been said.

Don't be afraid to listen to yourself. Really Listen.


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