Mississippi Moments

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The irises are blooming and so are the "mayflowers"--hawthorn trees. Special amazing time. Been enjoying noting the waves of when and how things bloom. Great metaphor for our Life.

Home site visit went well.
Started off by giving her a cup of tea with a bug in it. Cedar minded his manners very well. Mostly.
We chatted for about an hour. She wondered if I was making the sage room into a dining room. I said no-it is a bedroom. Oh. Changed my specs to accept a child up to age 4-5. This opens things dramatically and puts me info out into two programs and more places.
Updated all the info in the home study. Feel good about this.

Been having powerful-feeling/events dreams lately-for about three weeks. Sometimes they leave me reeling with grief or an essence of manifest-potential. Last night's was about becoming president. Obama dropped dead. No vice-president around. No due process. I was coming in from a soccer game. I did not know the job but I knew I could do it. And it had to be a woman in the position. I stepped up. All the other women who could've ran out the door except a circle of MY women--and they stayed to forma circle of support while I took the oath--with my mother standing right behind me (like a confirmation sponsor)with her hand on my shoulder. She was smiling. Turi had a drum and a bottle of wine. Mary J had her fishing pole. Jenny had ribbons. And so many more. I know this is a reflection of this adoption journey place.

Another one --a big party going on. I'm upstairs with Fiona and Sadie. And in order to come to the party I have to put my dogs down again. Couldn't do it. All night long. over and over again. The deepest grief and peace (and headache/bodyaches/dizzy) with that one. We're coming into the season of remembering. I prefer to remember them in all ways and every way on my walks, and while camping, and out playing. We are not separate. I know this. I live this. Dreams are shit sometimes.

Another one. Time to dance/perform with the sisters. Except there aren't any sisters. Just our dancing stuff thrown around backstage-tights, shoelaces, headbands, costumes. The music is on. And I'm the only one back there. I hear Brigie coming but she is late. She is out watching her Matt. Woke up from that one crying. I know I am grieving the letting the dancing-performing with my sisters go. It will just have to have its grieving time, too. I won't say it is okay because none of this important stuff feels like it. And it will eventually be. Because all is well. All will be well. Nothing can really and truly hurt us or separate us. And me from whom and what I LOVE.


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