Mississippi Moments

Friday, September 22, 2006

"The summer yields to the autumn winds blowing
while the cool burns the leaves golden red
We harvest fields we planted once knowing
Grains of Truth would soon come to a head
Mystery Healer, I feel your hand above my brow,
Into your Love, I bow."----by Chris Van Cleaves

It's nearly the autumnal equinox. For me, this is one of the times to mark the change, the shift, the energy turnings.
I made a decision yesterday. I'm not going to go for that sweet cabin up north. Going to stay right here and put down some roots-although I do love the loft, the RV parking, the dining room spot off the kitchen, the two bathrooms and the washer/dryer in its own little room in the back. I don't want to live in a cul-de-sac-without my sister and her family. I could live in any cul-de-sac type spot, in any generic type neighborhood (Oops-been there done that-San Diego, Montgomery AL). I'll know when it's time, I trust. I just need to be aware and stop putting up pictures of what my Heart wants on the prayer wall in my kitchen before I'm fully awake in the morning. That's what it is. Sometimes, I cut up L.L. Bean catalogues and magazines from the ferry that have pictures of cabins, and voila-the Universe says-oh, here you go...I'm going to put up puppy pictures and see what happens. There are already sweet child pictures. Say, maybe I'll cut out some of the male model pics and see what happens--Naw, not really interested right now. THe sweaters are nice though, and that was one of the problems the last time. His mom was a knitter and I might have fallen for what was on the outside before I really knew what was on the inside...okay, okay, I will stop deluding myself. After all this is MY blog, and the truth hurts. I "created" the "reality" of who was on the inside of that package and only acknowledged or let slip in those parts that contributed to my reality of him. There was also the joint-dance of acting/saying/trying to be the role that the other one thought the other was "supposed" to be, wanted you to be...the bottom line, it wasn't Real...although some special, intimate, not for here parts were very real and were a marriage.
I let myself sleep in this morning. My knees are hurting today. Too much working out. And I made a good decision not to head to the Field until tomorrow.I'm still toast after work and the long drive, while it would be relaxing, I would not be particularly safe. I want to enjoy the drive out to the country.
Another woman I know is having a biopsy for a lump in her breast. Please pray. Another one was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. She started getting dizzy, and whomp! There it is. She is an amazing woman and harpist and I don't understand any of this.
My energy is coming back. I may actually make a pie this year. I also found a recipe for apple catsup. That sounds more like it to me. Neil used to make it. It was loverly! I want that in my life.
I don't understand so much. I am not patient. I am not quiet-hearted. I am who I y'am. My Heart hurts for my little sister. She is an amazing, precious, wondrous woman. She is waking up to Herself. Ouch and Welcome, Dear One! Take your place in the Circle for Who you are is Holy Ground and where You walk/cry/dance/laugh/play kickball is Holy Ground! You are Loved.
It is less than a week for Jean and Laura and Mike. The migraine-spots lessened as soon as I slumped and surrendered and said to myself, I can't change this. There is nothing I can do about it. It sucks and it doesn't. It just is. I love them so dearly and pray that there will be more peace, any peace in this transition. Moose in your front yard, falcons in your sky, quiet in your day to pray/rest/heal--this awaits them.


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