It's raining...and I can't believe that I am happy about this, but I am.
Philip's music is gently filling this home with love and peace. There is such energy there. I intend to replace the broken string on the big harp and tune her up. She waits by the window for her chance to share her Voice and peace in this space.
A good day at school. Boy, does it feel right to get back in the swing of things. I taught a somewhat successful Powerpoint lesson today in 12 minutes for each group. I wasn't as patient as I could've been. I will need to follow my impulse to split the goups by developmental level instead of mulitage this project. The chasm of skills is signficant. That will be the remedy for tomorrow and then we will have nothing about which to be impatient. It has been difficult getting back into the "groove"--for the children, not for me. I'm so glad to be back working. Working -Erin-GOOD. Dance was fine, too. It's going to take some time to build endurance again, but today was fine for focusing, setting achievable targets, demos, and then skills and practice. I was a little loopy by class #2, but it went by quickly. I've been correcting math tests since I got home. I also washed dishes and ate a simple dinner of soup and salad. Throw in a cup of tea and you have my evening. I am back losing some of the weight I put on over the past few weeks. Give me 6 weeks and I'll feel like my old self again.
I also just finished an incredible book---The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd. Wow. I filled a few pages in my journal with passages that just spoke to my Heart and Experience. I have been replaying a few of the "old tapes" in my head these past few weeks over my failed marriages and relationships. It just catches me unaware and totally bums me out. I just retreat into distraction with food or false fun or kids' movies (Brother Bear 2 and Ice Age Meltdown). Not good for active, balanced and healthy EMR...so instead of beating up on myself, I recognize it for what it is. I also ask myself how likely it is that either one of my former mates spends ANY time with regrets or monkey mind ruminations that serve no purpose whatsoever...and the answer is NOT AT ALL-so why am I doing this dance. I don't like it. It isn't healthy. I choose to stop it and replace the dance with something else, something Life-giving....like making healthy food choices. like writing. like doing a bit of work but not all of it even though I could be working until tomorrow morning if I wanted to. like giving myself space to grieve--that's what this is mostly about. I miss certain Beloveds in the snow and wintry days and nights. like exercising which I continue to do and it makes a huge difference in my outlook, my energy, and my day. like loving myself and standing in hope.