Mississippi Moments

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The only place where your dream becomes impossible
is in your own thinking.--Rev. Robert Schuller

I like that one.
This week, I learned a new word in therapy--"ascetia". It isn't depression. It is a state of being, of mind, of heart, of soul where you just don't care anymore. About anything really. Going through the motions. No essence to it. In between what ain't and acting "as if". That's where I've been since I got a note in the mail blasting me. It was a straw that just "broke something" inside of me. And nothing has helped me get grounded again. Until last night....

Back to teaching dance again. Back to playing with my nephew and niece. Back to getting more paperwork and support from my references for the adoption process. Back to scheduling plane reservations for Jonestown. Back to noticing that it is light out after school now and I actually want to work in the yard and garden. That's a big one. Back to checking out books from the library again because I can read and want to. I just love those Dear America books and I am reading one on a Jewish immigrant girl at the turn of the 20th century in NYC. Fascinating. I would love to have Colleen do some of the voice in a NYC Yiddish-English accent so I can put a voice to her diary entries. The character's name is Zipporah.
Cedar is receiving great care at Lydia's. He even emailed me last night asking if he could stay over for another night. I need to email back. His foot is healing and they are having a field trip tomorrow. His foot will be better and he can run in the mud and muck.
I met with a former student of mine from San Diego. I taught her in 1991-1993. Wow. She is almost 25 years old. I have only met with one other student from the past places that are not Seattle. We enjoyed dinner and chat. And mostly talking about the present. We plan to meet again. She is newly moved to Seattle. This was one of the families that advocated me starting my own school when I lived and worked in San Diego. There were 12 of them after the first year. This is not a dream I have now. I just want to find the "right" school for me that will pay well enough, support what I can bring to the learning environment, encourage me to grow in my own personal and professional skills, and provide adequate health insurance for me and mine. And not be too far to commute each day and still have a wonderful life. There. It's out there. I am thinking on this job thing. More details that I cannot share here are on the plate, impacting some of my previous intentions. More to come. All is well either way. Any way.
I like being out of the "ascetia fog". I prefer to be on the hopeful side of things. It seems more like "home" now to me than that other place. And if it is part of the picture, one of the things I have learned is to just wait it out. Not rail. Not fight. Not succumb. Just wait. And try not to eat too much tortellini and remember to drink water (which I am not good at) and move, exercise, walk my dog, dance, whatever. Get moving. IT helps. Even when I can't sleep--which is part of this ascetia. It robs my energy. Now I have some. And I know where to get more.


  • At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Did I meet this student when I was there?


  • At 8:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…



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