A few days later....
I got what I wanted this morning. Here I am up at o'dark three o'clock something unable to sleep...which is what I wanted because I have work to do for school and homestudy...and well, now, I am awake to do it. With love. And a cup of coffee...or three.

I have been thumbing through another book on healing, authentic living, etc. and it came up about addictions. The fourth "big" addiction (after drugs/alcohol, tv/computer and sex) is self-improvement...or rather self-distraction. Hmmm...That one made me stop and think. I can honestly say that that has been the case in years past. I like to transfer my addictions. Now, maybe I am doing much of the same---but it doesn't feel that way because there is no sense of urgency, must do/should do/shame on you if you don't do. Instead, it's more like--this is all this is all as it is,I like this groove and what I don't like, I will change or change my attitude on it, and the rest will burn. I'm staying centered, happy, and at peace. More or less. And I have some new-to-me sweaters from Dixie to enjoy this fall (which I have).

My social worker fell down the stairs and broke her ribs yesterday. I am stalling on getting the medical update forms out to the doctors because...well, I am afraid that this is the end of the line. It was a happy hassle to have to update all the financial stuff and see how "tanked" is "tanked". So what. I will send the others off with love today and see what comes back. When I say I am afraid, I'm not really---more apprehensive. I'll hold me in some compassion...that's a good plan.

It gets more and more "painful" to watch all these other families growing and going. It won't be long now until I know what's going to happen. A woman and her adopted 6year old Vietnamese daughter came to my door this week stumping for Obama. I was trying to nap. I inappropriately told her I was more curious about her family. She narrowed her eyes and asked me why. I told her why. She said her friend had received her photo last week of their Vietnamese child. HAd I received mine? I said no. She said well Viet Nam is closed now. I said I know. She said it's going to be a long time. I said I know...and that I will take her and her beautiful daughter being on my front door step as an omen, a good one. For something...and the more I think about it, the more I WILL take it as an omen, like the clouds, and the same group of recess kids coming up to me screaming yesterday that the bad witch was gonna get them and was putting spells on the doors to the bathroom so they couldn't get in and would I help. I said, of course, and then I asked them where their angels were--you know--to help with the witch problem? They stopped dead in their tracks and looked at each other. Then together three of them said, "OH YEAAHHH!" and off they went. Turns out the doors were just jammed on the other side by ball baskets. Keys, strong legs, and some 2nd grade help took care of "dem witches!

Going down to the Field this weekend for Family of Choice Thanksgiving celebration with Will and Little Feather and kitties. Bringing pie. And a gluten-free dessert. After I get the pleasure of teaching dance in MLT for Sara and getting the woodstove cleaned out by the pros. It sure has been getting major play every day, twice a day. I am getting better at starting and keeping fires going to heat the cottage. Camping in the living room has become the norm. More firewood gets delivered next Friday.I am late on the preparedness this year and lax in some areas completely. Doing what I can do.

Don't want to deal with crowds and strangers but I wish I had it in me to go to Ocean Shores to hear Colleen and Mark sing Will wait for another chance. CD release party soon I hope.

Loving the walks at this time of year in the morning and in the evenings. The golden light over the Olympics just before dark, incroyable. I am also learning to use a new cell phone. So if you get someone calling you with a 425-903.... number, it's me, not some stalker calling and hanging up...it's me learning stuff.