How come no one ever comments on my blog anymore?
Is it that boring? too heavy? no news of note? no points of interest or connection?
I'm just curious. I am going to continue this adventure, right along with my Gratitude Journal and weekly sacred circle times, dancing, laughing, learning, working, laundromatting, worrying about my little sistahs, etc.
I hung twinkle lights in the kitchen-nice, soft illumination. I'll get out the orange and gold leaf cover-things to put over and we're set for the holidays-which, as far as I am concerned, are from now until Imbolc-Feb. 2nd, St. Brigid's Day.
I made split pea soup tonight-goes great with a magarita. I watched a silly movie- "RV" with Robin Williams..just that, plain silly. Nap, church, avoiding paying bills,
I was asked today if I want to go to Vietnam to teach English this summer to Vietnamese sisters who run the orphanages there. I am thinking on it. It would mean Jonestown wouldn't happen next summer...and some BIG part of me wants to be pre-empted by other important happenings...I love tripping on the baby carrier in the living room.
I am very aware of the debts I owe. It is a hard thing to come to terms with out of balance behaviors and reckon with them. It is easy and almost imperceptible how behaviors that were once chosen to fill 'holes" on the inside can be transferred to other behaviors--the whole purpose being to try and fill the inner "holes' with external distractions, feelings, things, experiences. It doesn't work that way. The inner holes are still there when the quiet comes. So are the discomfort, dis-ease, and shame of not owning up . There is still a Part of me that believes somewhere deep that I am not ENOUGH. Some of my spending habits reflect that this still has power...I've come this far...no time to turn back, no reason to. Time to reckon.
Ok. I am also wondering if my sisters of origin think I am a quack...I hope not.