Mississippi Moments

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Psychology of change...part Deux...
* The subconscious mind has extraordinary capacity for storage and thought and makes the VAST majority of our decisions.
*You can program your subconscious mind (although, me personally, I never have learned to do this and have found that my subconscious mind without "programming" is indeed my most Authentic Voice)
*Choice is made in our conscious mind
*The choice is then carried out through the subconscious mind through habits, learned behaviors, mindless reactions, active response...
Other thoughts: (even when we are pissed, betrayed, abandoned, disrespected, misunderstood, and the worst-NOT SEEN)
Can we ever stop loving those who
opened us to ourselves?
Can we ever express the depth of gratitude
in those precious hours
our hearts exploded
and out walked someone new...She played upon the golden sunbeams
and sang rhapsodies that will forever feed her days ----Cindy Ruda, 2000

Today was a better day, I was not the Miss Crabbypants of the Teaching Universe. I asked forgiveness and it was given. I have a few observations from this day---
*I saw a pair of red-haired twins in a double stroller with a young mother and on her other arm was the leash for a strawberry blond girl-golden retriever...a littel slice of heaven in East Ballard!
*There was an older man out on an afternoon constitutional with his cat today--it was a gentle glimpse at a pair of beings who were in complete sync with one another on a beautiful October day.
*I dreamt last night, for the first time ever, that I was HOLDING in my arms a little brown girl-child with wispy black hair. She definitely knew I was her mother and I knew she was mine to love. I was crooning to her in a language I don't know yet but the other language was clear as day--we were on our way home from dancing and it was dinner time...and I knew what I was doing and it was something that was now ordinary to us! She was about 13 months old...
* A precious couple of hours with Dear Ones, with a subtle, unpretentious wine that could hold the Heart of the Prayers, Feelings, Musings, Sharings, and Sacred Space...I loved that and am grateful for the answer to so many prayers for so many.
*Dancing was a dream tonight---fluid, fun, interactive, challenging dancers, making evident progress, a few quiet sharing moments with the Sara and the Rowan of the two loose teeth---another precious day.
*I am aware in my Heart and Dreams of where I can "touch" the dogs. (One of the fringe benefits of being a 4-nonordinary reality is not so hard to access or create) It is this time of night (and early mornings...and afternoons when I come home from school...and dinner time...and weekend afternoons...and, bloody heck--all the time) that I miss "my girls" the most. I am holding them tenderly near me these days.
*I have one thorn about work in my proverbial foot...it's irritating me. I don't want to deal with it because it involves a trigger for a much more core Wound and the feelings and power around it. It is frustrating because when I dance on the edge of this-I find myself saying stuff that is meant to "protect' me from "attack" and then it slips out and I have to behave in a big=ass hurry as if it was some kind of weird-only-Erin-understands-this-joke. It happened this morning at the staff meeting before I even knew what I had said. I got "pushed" into sharing something for my table group for which I was reluctant and tried to stave off of... I know I can carry grudges--deep, hairy, muddy, we-will-bury-you-in-time grudges. I don't have the time or energy for this more specifically, I don't CHOOOSE this..talk about subconscious.I t means I don't feel safe around someone in certain situations and this is the way my subcon steps in to take care of it, of me. I want a different solution to this one so I don't feel like such an loser, left-outer person. I am who I yam and that ain't bad....just need to avoid throwing pearls before swine. I'm not going into detail but I am writing about this to cue my Brain and my Subcon that I want a different solution and to find it or create it...thank you, God, for this amazing day...I need to have words with my NYC sistah...she's blipping my radar...and not in a bad way...sort of like the Bat Cave phone is beeping that someone keeps calling and hanging up...


Post a Comment

<< Home