Mississippi Moments

Monday, October 30, 2006

Samhain Eve--and Being a 4. Maybe it's a 4 and 1/2.
"Through the great pain of stretching
beyond all that pain has taught me,
the soft well at the base has opened,
and life
touching me there
has turned me into a flower that prays for rain. Now
I understand: to blossom
is to pray, to wilt and shed
is to pray, to turn to mulch
is to pray, to stretch in the dark
is to pray, to break the surface
after great months of ice
is to pray, and to squeeze love
up the stalky center toward the sky
with only dreams of color
is to pray, and finally to unfold
again as if never before
is to be the prayer.
-----------Mark Nepo, "God's Wounds"
All of what I wrote yesterday was true, for yesterday. I wouldn't change it. But I like standing off to the side of the rollercoaster as I watch it dip and whiz by. I've written about this rollercoaster before. In particular, it has a couple of other names- PMS, almost a week before the full moon, my favorite time of year and my first time in 15 years without my dogs to share it...
There are other things that are true today. One of them is that putting on Mom's old apron sometimes helps me to shut off the "monkey mind' and to settle into comfortable tasks like doing dishes, sweeping, putting the recycling away. Not too much tending and tidying, but a little.
Today was a workable day. I have to work on the mood swing and the impatience during reading/lit. arts in the afternoon. I should love it but I almost hate it. It's not fun and I am tired and cranky. I hate teaching reading in the afternoon. It should be the time for Writing, Handwork, and Social Studies. Maybe I'll check into some Readers' Theater.
I will be taking care of Molly, the Mclean's delightful otter-dog this weekend. A lovely chance to get all doggy and to work on
Accreditaion HW among other things.
I am dreading tomorrow. I have not followed through on my plan for the kids to have a fun Hallowe'en. I just don't care. I wish I did. And this will probably change in the morning. Or it won't. It's okay to not want to celebrate or observe or participate this year. I just don't have the energy and I don't care. I may have a fire.

2 Comments:

  • At 10:35 PM, Anonymous e- said…

    Quit being a whiner. Grab your harp or your drum, Crack a beer. Get the candy out. Get the matches. And get on with it!

     
  • At 10:38 PM, Anonymous e- said…

    The wood's all ready. So's the beer. You can tune up the harp tomorrow-let's see what we can do with Eleanor Plunkett under the stars...or at least under the sensor lights that get tripped by the raccoons!

     

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