Mississippi Moments

Saturday, March 31, 2007

'The alternative blues-kicker is to shift gear. Ask for grace. Call a good friend and talk. Put the kettle on for a fresh pot of tea. Wash your face, comb your hair, put on some lipstick, perfume, and earrings. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Straighten the living room so you can find a place to sit down. Take a walk around the block and clear your head.....Dark days come to all of us. Yet discouraging days bring with them golden opportunities when we can be kind to ourselves." Sarah Ban Breathnach
I don't do perfume anymore, but rose water from the co-op or citrus essential oil or rosemary strewn about the classroom can do a bit of a pep-up number.
aaaaaahhh..Flicker was calling on our walk this morning in the dewy. misty, rainy north side of 65th. So was Crow.
Starting to feel like myself, the myself whose skin I like to be in.
Came home from school and class after that last night to a happy, squirrely puppy. Another walk in near dark and then to candlelight and being together in our home for a quiet time. Thank you Mary, COli, and Maude for taking such good care of him yesterday and thanks to Jean and Laura for the care during the week. It matters so much!
Doing laundry is a meditative, centering task...just not when your dog discovers the mirror behind the door...again. This is getting to be a daily trip!
I aced my exam. I'm glad. I don't "need" (this is really a lie) to be at the top of the class..if I have breath in my brain, I'm going to do what I can to get there. I have this wee competitive streak. The only difference now is that I don't have to publicly sit up front and suck up to the teacher. I can (and do) sit in the back and crack jokes to myself and anybody else nearby about the dinosaurs in the field whose brains are cracking under the strain of learning new things--again! The best thing is that the "new" stuff is just come 'round again solid teaching and learning that is baaaccckkkkk because it woooorrrrkkkksss. (You supply your own The Shining voice on that part). Unlike stupid fashions from the 70's that should've just stayed gone but are back now. Still, I'm liking the headband fad that's up now and the cute, longer tied shirts over the jeans. DOn't like the leggings under the skirts...
So, that awful dream about my dog. Had a couple of insights. IT seems that I have been pulling, demanding his energy to fill my sorrowing cup for Sadie and Fiona. HArd to put this into words. His Life-energy and Being are for Now and for Him, not for me to take inthat way or expect in that way. The dream was about respect and living in the now. The other part of this was last night I asked my spirit helpers, angels, and the Lord to guard against anymore bad dreams like that. I need the rest.
I slept so soundly that I don't remember any of the night's dreaming but just before wake-up, I dreamt that part of the back fence had fallen down or was opened and left a spot where Cedar could get out...so when we went outside, he got out in to the street. I did what I usually do and started the sweet, fun, happy call to get him back and come he did. Snagged him by the collar and in we went. I noticed that there was a path there out to the street and someone had weedwhacked it back or walked it so much that it was worn down. Closed the gate and relatched the hook and just as I did that into the yard sauntered what I thought was a coyote. Scared the crap out of me (I had read those stories last night about the coyotes eating cats and puppies in Bellevue. I immediately went into warrior-protector-mama mode and put myself between the animal and puppy. He just laid down and made sure I was paying attention. I was still flailing around and goiing balistic on "protecting" Cedar. Cedar didn't even notice the "coyote" , and when I looked again, it wasn't Coyote. It was a Red Wolf. As soon as I recognized that, he went into the house and sat in a corner and waited for me to come over......the rest of this 'converstion' is still in progress and not for here...the message though is that I have been "protecting/willing on/controlling/managing so much all the time--that no one can breathe, not even me...and not my dog...not my students. I don't know how not to be a control-freak. Guess it's time to learn (dammit!):)I know this lesson will come around again with the kid. Thanks, Helpers and Protectors. Off to the Field with Little Man, Tasha and Eli with a stop to get my slippers at Avis's. Going to work on report cards between cups of good coffee and walks on logging roads.


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