Flailing here. Flailing monstrously.
Unhooked. Not tied to one of those bobbing things that the sealions like to hang out on.
Don't know where the boat should go. Needs to go. Don't even know where it wants to go.
I know this is part of the "new normal". So what.

Scattered. Dissatisfied. Crabby.
So I start back at the basics with what I know. Which changes every couple of seconds.

1. I know I like coffee. And I have some.
2. I know how to walk my dog. And I did and do.
3. I can take on one paperwork project here at home-one a day-and do it. Done. One. Alrighty then.
4. I like to do dishes. Looking out the window. Standing on a stool so I can see dem birds.
5. I like quiet music.
6. Fruit cocktail rocks.
7. I don't like the emotion-waves that are back. Like being on a ferry boat and it starts to rocks sideways or front to back and you are in the middle of a really good book or playing harp in the car or camper and then all you want to do is ralph. An unpleasant surprise.
8. There is something contained, controlled, predictable, achievable in the teaching of dance to beginners. I can do it. With pleasure. With Sara. With patience. With sincerity. With love. I feel like myself when I am doing this this week. Not anywhere else.
9. Complaining does not make me feel better. It just makes me feel lighter. It solves nothing. It is an energy waster and an energy polluter unless it is turned into prayer and Given.
10. Showers help. If you have the energy to get in there. And turn it on.
11. I need a haircut. All over.
12. 42.