Mississippi Moments

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Writing Northwest...sigh
We've been in writing workshop all day everyday for this past week and trying to set up a classroom at the same time for a grand adventure the likes of which I have never seen...and neither has the school community...just got home and it's after 9pm. sigh Been like this for two solid weeks now. No complaining though. Here is some of what I have been learning:
There are heavy ideas in writing. There is a ton of naming in writing and a ton of attributing and predicating. There are clear and applicable models for writer-wannabees or don't wanna-bees of every situation. I love to write and was thankful I was bored the first several hours of the first day-I was back in Sr. Mary Annette's writing class and am I ever thankful for the rigor and high expectations of what I learned there. Of course, none of it is being reflected here because my brains are fried and I don't care. I also had a shock on the way out the door from work tonight-one of my partner teachers just moved close to Lk. Ballinger, and as we were leaving, she invited me out for a walk on the Interurban Trail. SHe said, "And be sure to bring your dogs--they will love it!" Ouch-that hurt---and I turned to her and said, "My dogs are dead. You knew that...she said,"Oh, I thought it was only the one. Isn't the other one still at your house"................NON! She isn't. SHe's in my Heart and across the Rainbow Bridge, having a grand new life, and occasionally checking on me and waiting by the Cedar Tree there. Ouch---and I thought I was gonna get through today without losing my Breath and my Composure...I'm heading to bed, to find whatever rest I can and lose myself in Harry Potter.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Working, working, working...there's probably a song in there...
It's raining. The cool night air smells of falling leaves, fruit pies, fires in the woodstove, and tea in a Christmas mug from Grandma's house. I enjoyed a quiet connecting time with Jean and Mike this evening after school.I also enjoyed someting called a Mikearita--actually only a half of one. That's all my body can handle at the moment. It was and is a Gift to have the love, support, friendship, and trust of such a family of choice. When I don't have my Heart in knots and my Head in a box, I can sense and acknowledge, honor and love my families of origin and choice. I hope they all know that I Love them deeply--as only a 4 can.

It continues to be tough to live here at Fair Isle. The sleep is intermittent and the dreams are of longing, loss, and times with my Beloveds gone from this plane in this way. I am counting on times when we will be together again. I've already asked God to give my "mansion" to someone else...I just want to stay with Grandma and Grandpa Surridge, in their basement, with my own dogs, to make tea, and to have a door that opens out onto a garden and a spot like at Pop's Lake. There will be no arthritis, no cancer, no dementia, no seizures, no shaking, no abandonment, no fear, no pain, no longing---only joy, laughter, peace, love, and MY dogs' hair up my nose and in my tea--in the Christmas cup, of course, from Grandma's set. And I want my families there and they don't have to call...

Things at school aren't going well and they aren't going badly. Tomorrow is do it or toss it. We are in the middle of intense writing workshops which leaves little or no energy for the setting up for and creating infrastructure for this 3/4 adventure to come. Sigh.. tomorrow will be the thing...

Monday, August 28, 2006

Hands to work, Heart to God.--a Shaker thought

I like this one. Slogging away, preparing the classroom in a new way...kind of makes it go easier.
Enjoyable weekend--dinners with friends, walks near mountains and sea, workouts, coffee and more coffee, and plenty of hours at school. The only part of my day that I dread is coming home in the evening to this empty house...I just dread it. It's a shock and a reminder everyday of the Losses...and nothing can change that. SO, I'll just do what I always do--work it out and find the Joy somehow. It's in here...right along with the distinct aroma of laundry that needs to be done.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Ordinary reality rumbles on in---My team teachers surprised me yesterday--I have a bag of sweet little t-shirt-meets round-bottomed-things-with-snaps-covering-wee-diaper-things--green and yellow with Pooh on them! YOWSA! There will be a human being in my arms, in our home, in My Life, that will be making noises and messes in those wee clothes! This is making the setting up of an interactive, clutter-free, interesting learning environment for those human beings that should be running the world and who know it a bit of a challenge. I dislike the setting up of a classroom every summer's end---I wish I could just leave things as they were...but this way makes it easier to clean. The struggle is coming home after 12 hours to a house that doesn't sound right, smell right, FEEL right--and I don't have the energy to do much about it at the moment...
These are Powerful fulfillment times---the day of the homestudy visit, I was having a cup of tea and looking out the window, trying to picture life here and also in the cabin-home of my dreams next to my dear Mary and her family. It comes very easily,so I decided to call the school three miles away from there to inquire about job possibilities. Within two minutes of leaving that message, the principal called and offered me a first grade position for THIS YEAR! So, BOOM! My motto holds for me--be careful what you ask for----there will also be a job next year if I want it, and my partner teacher assures me that this place has the mission, ambiance, community that I desire and require in a learning place. The only drawback is there is no job share in that district. A plus is it's a public school and there is much more money. I'm going to hold space and prayer around this. to wait for three weeks and see what happens with the cabin-house. I continue to put tendrils out there about a new dog. I still need one--my entire life rhythm continues to be centered around my dogs...it just is...
Last night, after work, I went to a prayer service for peace, esp. in the Middle East. I don't ever remember participating in an exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, so I went. So much of it was holy in the traditional R-C way and it was intriguing to notice the parallels and differences between the actions, prayers, chants, incense, colors, and community gestures to those of some prayer sweatlodge experiences. The historical and regional/continental influences were so stark--an example, last night the priest-presider sat in front of the community with his back to us and facilitated all the talking, prayers, singing, etc.
Energetically, It was very straight/phallic/gold-white/yin/masculine/dry in formation toward the altar and the steps UP to the exposition. In contrast, the prayer sweatlodges I've experienced are circular/womblike/dark/yang/feminine/wet-moist in formation and the sweat leader was a woman (not always but mostly) and the focal point was a sacred hole in the ground with the "stone people" (hot rocks from the sacred fire outside brought to us by the firekeeper). Both intense communal hearts of prayer...this is what I can do for Peace--which we So Need. Off to work out, walk and work.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Homestudy visit went very well...I'm in the track and on the track for an infant from Vietnam! Paperwork, more paperwork, waiting, referral, and trip to Vietnam to bring baby home...God willing...and everything else. This program so far does not allow for gender choice, so we will see. The total timeline looks to be less than 18 months...wow...The social worker loved the space and set up here at Fair Isle and said the preparations, etc. were abundant and ready for the to-be family. Yessssss!
It's MY TURN and MY TIME...thank you to the Village and Families of Origin and Choice for the support and help...okay, sing with me, gang, "Follow the yellow brick road..."

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Another first------attended to the garage for the first time in three years. Threw out a bunch of old teaching stuff, stewarded other stuff to Goodwill, and organized the rest for future use by me or others. I also spent several hours with a mom of two active, healthy adopted boys and picked her brain about the resources around here for kids with special needs. She had binders and binders full. I'm on the road but alot of this will wait until it's known who's coming into this Life and Love.

Also went to school to do a little work. Will spend the rest of the week living there to prepare.Ran into several students at Mass this morning, and it made me happy. They all came over to say hi.

Not much in the mood to play these days. Reading, napping, working out, spending too much time on the internet---looking for the shift and getting into the school year and teaching dance. Part of me can't wait for fall and part of me is dreading it--another season without the dogs...

Friday, August 18, 2006

Contemporary augery as I understand it does not resemble the ancient practices of killing and disemboweling chickens. It does, however, entail becoming aware of the power and presence of all of Life's teachers and guides. At this time and place, it seems to be the Winged Ones in ordinary reality,nonordinary reality, and Dreamtime. Powerful, POWERFUL impressions, images, and messages...thank you, Universe. And let's not forget the kittens...

I am holding sacred space and love around Jean and Laura and Mike and Sally. This change is going to be hard to stomach. It already is. And I can See the Power, Healing, Light, Love of the Work,Tierra Santa and Family that awaits them...somehow, I am a part of that, too...
Getting ready to embrace Life in a different way and preparing for the homestudy visit next week. Today is the first day that I haven't cried in over a month..t I spent most of it resting. Being at peace in a healthy body with energy and hope is Heaven.
I have half a mind to discontinue blogging here and just bring it into my journal only because I find that my perspective from Jonestown doesn't carry over to Seattle...it's not nearly so entertaining to read or to write...still, what Col said about doing this for a year means that I will have a "book" -of sorts. Not sure what to do here. Maybe she will teach me how to erase the blog about Jonestown after I hardcopy it and put it in my old fashioned photo album.
So, the rundown is that I went back to school yesterday, and it felt right and good. I'm ready to work and embrace this new multi-age adventure in 3rd/4th grade land. Simple is better. So is being organized. I have a feeling at least half of the students will be taller than me. I am going to check out a tall bar stool thing from IKEA to help...no platform shoes for me.

Thanks to Maude for showing me the cabin next door...and for all the time after answering questions and running numbers. I have some thinking to do there, but the next big piece is the homestudy visit and talking to some other folks in the job arena. I appreciate her expertise, ease, willingness to be available, and her love. I can "see" life in the future there--with kids, dogs, bucket o' bolts RV, and twinkle lights up all year round...I love being part of the WWT Club (Weird White Trash)...it works in Ballard but maybe not in the burbs. I love the extra room in the cabin next door and the built in storage, room for the RV, the forest in the backyard, the loft (OH BOY!). Maybe a new start in a new place would be just the thing. The downside-I hate driving. There would be a lot of driving. I also can't see life without teaching dance with Sara and Julie a couple of times a week. It is my LIFE's BLOOD. It nourishes me in ways I can't describe. It is one of the main reasons I moved back to Seattle after marriage #1 fell apart...the Sistahs. Moving north would alter that. But then, so will having children. More thinking to do.

There's a lot of support here for the prep and the pain. Massages also help. Working out works, too. Ordering pizza-nice, but not the best. I have discovered Mike's Hard Lime stuff....mmmmmm.
I really appreciate that Mom came and spent time here at Fair Isle and did her "mom" thing. She can "see" where things go and how to arrange things where kids fit in the home picture. I can do this very well in a learning environment, but not in my own home. I can do it for puppies and dogs, too...just not kids. I need her support and she gave it. I am thankful for our relationship and our time together.
I made progress on the homestudy paperwork and found out that my "not doing my homework" was actually the right thing to do. If I do it all now, I will have to redo it to keep all the dates in range when it comes down to it. Sometimes, I haven't been sure if I heard correctly at all the adoption meetings, but it turns out that I DID pay attention even if I wasn't paying attention. All this graduate school has paid off in that I can take really good, accurate notes while going on mind-holiday.

The Universe is bringing to me everything I have asked for, faster than the speed of light.The only thing not on the plate is a coffee date with someone to see if there is anything there, and I'm not sure it's ethical for me to even be thinking about that...so I try not to. And a new dog member for my pack---that is coming. I can feel it...

Monday, August 14, 2006

Homesteading and Harp Camp 2006

Two weeks at the Field. caring for kittens, watering the garden, and tending my Heart...yup.
Harp Camp 2006 at Magic Hill...an interesting time, a hardworking time with punctuated moments of joy, learning, and laughter...now done...yup.
Getting ready for the homestudy visit...yup.
House seems empty and parts of my life still...yup.
Going to have more coffee and look at my list of to-dos...yup.