Mississippi Moments

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I love doing dishes by candlelight.
I love taking my dog out predawn and looking up at the stars.
I love prayer and talk and tea in front of a warm fire with a dear friend.
I love having a roof over my head on cold, wet nights and days like these.
I love having good work.
I love being with people who think characteristics of sacred Japanese gardens are cool.
I love being around people who countdown to field trips.
I love being around people who are affirming.
And these days I love being around me.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Walking to and from work.
Puppy on the treadmill again.
Getting on treadmill with puppy.
Watching puppy on treadmill while sipping a lovely cup of tea after walking from work.
Walking over high-up bridges and footbridges while trains are thundering underneath. (Hard for someone who HATES heights)
Checking out "hip Ballard" and finding it's not so different from Hip Edinburough, Hip Galway, Hip Dublin, Hip New Orleans, Hip Savannah, Hip San Diego, Hip Oxford (MS not UK), Hip Memphis, Hip Fremont--smells and traffic and expensive shoes are the same--the history and buildings are not. Best thing though--I was not carrying any work home and my puppy was waiting for me.
In my own home.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Puppy having had his first bath.
Homemade tortellini veggie soup.
A cup of tea.
A five mile walk.
The next Narnia book.
All good things.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Puppy on the treadmill.
It's a good thing.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Another Take....

"one day I awakend. and I said to myself this is going to be the best day and then I went to scool and no wut it was!"

This came across my desk this week. It was a cold prompt. Just write. About the best day or worst day of your life.

Here is another one:
I am L_____. the wst day. it al satid un Hween. i got mi costoom on. evrwn Laft at me. I haD a Bday the end (The picture shows a kid in a moose costume saying WAAA)

And another:
A good day
to d I wock up and i had brecfist in bed and i wint to school m itecher is rilly nise her name is missis r______ school is rile fun it was the best day ever i lick school a lot and i love mi techer she is the best techer i have ever had i have never had a nises techer like her i gust had reses i playd hot lava moster it wus fun we ar guna play it evere day i Love that game it is the best game ever alot of pepol playd that game the end.

What I am getting from this is:
Be. Here. Now.
Enjoy it.
Don't wear a moose costume on Halloween.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Expect this to be a day of Healing, Awareness, Harmony, and Gentle Order.--Naomi C. Rose

Beautiful sky this morning. Equinox has arrived. So has the cold in the mornings and the bun warmer response button.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"Ranya: For me, whenever I need affirmation of my faith, I look around...to the stars, the moon above....The Islamic way is: Question, consider, think, reflect....."__The Faith Club, p. 103

Drinking in the stars we were, this morning. Early, early. Saying good morning to hawthorn trees and cats who dared set in the middle of the streets(cats were in the streets, the trees were staying put--although I've been reading Prince Caspian and apparently trees are quite mobile when they want to be). Looking at gardens of growing pumpkins and sunflowers. Some gardens already being put to bed for winter's rest. It is equinox. How to show this to 7 year olds who are into how many teeth are loose and if it our Big Toy recess. Hmmmmm....

I have begrudgingly acknowledged that I still take things way too personally and blow things out of proportion. Not sure why yet. But (*snirk*), will figure that one out so I can toss it with the recycling into the Cosmic Compost Pile. (Best fake Mississippi accent here) Ah don' need it no'mo'. Dun wi'that.

Buddhist puppy training is going well. And as Auntie Frannie says, Keep Pavlov in yer pocket. Been doing that, too, and it is working. Took Harper Tasche on my walk this a.m. AND coffee AND clicker and treats AND puppy....and drank in the stars, sniffed, listened to the pre-bird quiet, and thought thoughts.

Gonna try teaching dance today and see if the energy will flow into what is already living in this space.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Quiet Moments.
Pair. Share. Repair. Unsnare. Be "claire".
Over a cup of tea this morning, after a predawn walk near a lake, I watched a heron alight on the top branch of a noble fir.
Gives new meaning to the song "And a heron in an evergreen tree"..if anyone finds a heron tree topper, let me know.
Had a cup of tea afterward and watched the mist lift off the lake.
Deep breaths.
I love what Coli wrote something like this--Pretend that you are happy until your body/brain figure out that this is now how we do business.
That works for me.

Porker has a fixation on vents and drains. What a dog. He did fine in puppy kindergarten lesson #1 yesterday. He doesn't really know how to play but we learned some puppy play rules for fair play when we have puppy play at our house. Clicker and treats work much better than other ways on this little guy. A friend is making some agility things for us so we can begin to train at home. Youtube is a great resource for all kinds of "how to". I discovered Sheltie International Agility stuff on youtube this weekend. Heaven help us. The dogs never shut up. It is boring to watch the beginners and really fun to watch the upper eschelon dogs and people. I have a goal and a dream with this smarty-prance.
Until then....I'll fixate on tea, finishing these math and writing assessments, and painting a set of bookshelves. We shall see. I liked walking in the rain yesterday. And watching an old movie called Hound of the Baskervilles.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Less stress. Lower your expectations.
And it's not so much about your own individual story.
It's about how it connects and reflects the other stories in the same river.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The rules still don't apply.
And some things feel normal.
I have daily contact with a band of thieves, bandits, and ragamuffins--typical.
And I am having a ball.
Everyone else who has them isn't. Which is why I am getting at least three visits from the principal everyday about how to get them to behave in those other classes.
Funny..we aren't having any of those problems in our place.
We are learning.
We are having fun.
And the chief ragamuffin is holding it together...hah-you thought that was me! nope.
The Big Ragamuffin has got it. I'll play minion for awhile. all the time.The part with the kids is great.

Threw out more stuff this morning. Love dumping boxes of stuff. And another load of laundry done not dumped. That will come later.Clean underwear has its merits. And this is my blog and I can say what I want and that is important to me at this moment. Even ragamuffins need clean under-roos.

And my little dog is learning respect from Alice. As soon as I can figure out how to post videos I will. HIGH-larious!!! Talk about ragamuffin.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

And another thing I am thinking on..

They get you nothing.
You think they will keep you safe.
Rules will give you structure and help you toward your goal.
It's all b.s. All of it.
Rules have given me a headful of top heavy and not very usefulknowledge, heartache, cancer, disillusion, and rashes.
Rash trips, rash purchases, rash marriages, rash job choices....no more.
Sacer Simplicitas--"sacred simplicity"(Latin)

I've been reading Robert Fulghum's "From Beginning to End: The Rituals of Our Lives". Here is what I've found:

When my neighbor walks the dogs, he performs a ritual act of sacer simplicitas, to use the Church Latin:"sacred simplicity." Walking the dog is in truth a ritual of renewal and revival on an intimate scale--a small rebirth of well-being on a daily basis. p. 253
(Resonates with me)

The rituals change when the forms of celebration no longer fit our yearnings to celebrate the realities of present circumstances. The rituals change when we reach for a more authentic expression of our deepest human experiences. What does notchange is the yearning.
This change is nothing new.
It has always be so, is so, and shall ever be so.
It is the nature of life itself, always forming and reforming.
It is neither right no wrong--it is the way it is.--p. 137

The Universe is teasing me. Been talked to about coming down to Mississippi and running the Montessori Center there. Been talked to this morning about coming to Tanzania and teaching English and French and just teaching, oh and right next door to an orphanage where it is "easy" to adopt if you are in-country resident. The teacher there is retiring after thirty years. Yes, I can start the School Psychologist program at Seattle U in winter quarter if I want. Yes, tuition discounts apply with regard to my current employment situation (a plus). Teasings.
I have decided to Rest..in whatever form this will take. I have already begun to plan for this. I don't know what is on the plate for my future. And as bad as it sounds, I don't care. I am showing up for what is required now. I am looking and finding joy in the usual places and some unusual ones. I am seriously considering letting Some Thing go that has been on my plate for the last several years and just thinking about it now makes me tired, anxious, sad, and more sad. Not joyful, not anticipatory, not excited, not giddy--as this thing should. I see more debt. I see stress. I see always never being enough, having enough, enough, enough, enough. I am pissed about this. I have been let down so many times during this journey that I am done with the disappointments. And there have been too many to count. Add to that what has been on my health plate and now job plate this past year or two, and..well, that is my picture to look at, ain't it?
I am looking at some of my village and admiring them for their commitments and actions: my friend, Sue, and the gentle, consistent, loving way she cares for her mom and her family and herself. my friend, Cathy, and her commitment to her creativity and to her family and to her life. my friend, Val, and her love of beautiful things and how to make beautiful things and how to create sanctuary in one's home. my sisters-commitments to their own families, to our family, we to each other, to seeking the best in the spirits of others, to showing up and being the backbone of life (it is true, girls, all girls--the world DOES revolve around us), my Star-Sisters-their trust in life again, in each other, in opening their home to a new dog, in taking life one step at a time, my friend, Candy, who is back in Africa and still doesn't know what her job is exactly, who is glad to have water today (after another week of living with none) and who says she is following the Wild Goose (Celtic word for the Holy Spirit--it was big in the consciousness of the faithful at Iona--I had forgotten that), my friend, Mary J.-who questions and lives the questions, who is experiencing the power and tenderness of self-trust for the first time, who is so comfortable to be with that we know our "camper/camping dance" now with no talk, with her commitment to her kitty and her care. my friend, Turi: who trusts the Universe and acts as if and it does in positive ways that speak to her Heart and Life..I could go on: book group, trusted work colleagues, dance friends, neighbors--and not all girls, but certainly a whole lot of 'em. I'm watching, taking cues, gleaning, mostly just watching right now.'Cause I don't have a clue. I don't really want one.
My plan is to lighten the load around this house so it would fit into an Rv (yes, for real)I don't need it. Don't want it. Hasn't brought me greater healing or joy or peace or curiosity or energy. It is working at work. I continue to shovel stuff into the proper receptacles as I uncover them.
And I plan to walk my dog. And renew.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Butt Dust

"This particular Sunday sermon....'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?' "..shared by my friend, Sue.

It has been a good week. I am going camping with Mary J. and my silly dog. It will be a good weekend.:)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Grant to us,
O Trinity of Grace,
from whom allLife freely flows
that no tie ever-strict,
no tie over-dear,
May be between ourselves and this world.
---Celtic Prayers from Iona

1 full day down. Worked hard to become comfortable with counting...funny thing...when do I NOT work hard?
Simplifying. Keeping my Self in a different, removed, objective place and wearing the "teacher" Self out there. I watch myself all day..sometimes the inner commentary is hilarious. Wearing make-up now, too. Choosing hip(per) outfits--thinking back to the days of San Diego. Retro 80's and early 90's are in now and I still have some of that stuff. HAH!! Staying in the classroom doing my work. Coming out to do my job and going home after. And miracles are happening. NO trauma, no drama, no crap-yet. And when it comes, I'll deal. Wish I could describe one of 'em(miracles) from yesterday. Let's just say that my attitude is reaping some of the positive and that simplifying has taken out much of the juice of my gifts and it is starting to be noticed and I am being asked not to leave it out. It's already done. Can't go back. Glad it's being noticed. Also, all the stuff I have done in the past to communicate what I have learned about the learners which has been branded "too much" in some quadrants is being used by the now-teachers of former students and I am being thanked for all the data, comments, and observations.Teachers are coming to me and thanking me and catching me in the hall. Whatever. It IS easier not to do all that. And maybe this will be the year of learning how to be good enough. Or just enough. Never done that before. Willing to give it a shot. And at being truly humble and relaxed, too. That might be asking too much. Now if the Curves in Ballard would just re-open from being flooded I could move some of this energy.....

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

I got 'em. Miracles, that is.
No drama, no trauma, no bl*p, just grace.
And a lovely group of active students.
And a lively dog.
And a three hour nap. And I will still be asleep by 8:45 pm.

Monday, September 07, 2009

When you make space for miracles.....they show up.
In the most ordinary places.
In camping trips rained out.
In puppies that play their butts off.
In words of support from friends and sisters.
From magic places like Point No Point.
In window boxes.
In trees already beginning the autumn leaf dance
In hot coffee with milk served by a friend in a rainstorm..who had to get out of a comfortable seat wrapped in a blanket to share.
In book group sisters who come with sharings from the heart and who laugh and know how to help themselves to tea in the kitchen.
In star sisters who leave soup on the porch with notes.
In partners who give up quality reading and sleeping time to help with nametags, alphabetizing, spreadsheets, and tear-wiping.
In Christmas music anytime of the year.
In cozy fires in the still safe, acting as if it is still brand new woodstove.
In self-forgiveness.
In self-patience.
In self-doubt and then laughing your *ss off about it because it is going to be alright anyway. Somehow. No matter the pain, loss, betrayal, stress.
In sisters who cherish our times together so much that we are planning to train for Yuletide concerts whether we dance in public or not.
In year-old nephews who teach 5 month old puppies how to fetch and not jump up.
In teenaged nephews who teach us about chutzpah and vulnerability.
In the nieces who do the same.
In the older nephews who used to be like that and who are now behaving like daddies.
In knowing the menu for Point No Point, rain, hail, wind, or shine--on Sunday night-au jus and salads, Saturday night--turkey night, on Friday night--who knows and Monday--leftovers.
In the mud, wind, rain, cold, mud, rain, wind, and cold.
In the heron over the trees.
In the walks to the lighthouse.
In the memories that hold no pain or bitterness or sadness--just sweetness and gentle missings.
In reaching out and touching those that weren't there in body with my heart and feeling the touch back. Miracles.
I'm expecting more of those tomorrow, the day after, this entire week, and frankly, for the rest of my life.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Found this yesterday:

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.
Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

I'm adding my own.
Courage is saying to yourself "What the *blip*??!, I still don't "get" what all of this is, why it is happening, and I don't give a "blip"...and then you still go put on your big girl panties and get out the door.

...and on further thought, quit thinking about it.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

"Cor Meum Est Templu Sacrum" by Patricia Van Ness (Found in The Faith Club)
My heart is a holy place
Wiser and holier than I know it to be
Wiser than my lips can speak
A spring of mystery and grace.
You have created my heart
And have filled it with things of wonder.
You have sculpted it, shaped it with your hands
Touched it with your breath.
Inits own season it reveals itself to me.
It shows me rivers of gold
Flowing in elegance
And hidden paths of infinite beauty.
You touch me with your stillness as I await its time.
You have made it a dwelling place of richness and intricacies
Of wisdom beyond my understanding
Of grace and mysteries, from your hands.

Between drugging myself to get some sleep, keeping cold sores at bay and heart from racing, walking and walking and walking to still my mind, remembering to eat and then to stop, and acting like I care---I make myself to read. Good things. This is what is jumping out to teach and hold me.

I am not afraid.
I can manage.
I am able.
I can go on.
I can figure things out.
I am not too tired.
It will be worth it (some way somehow)
I can be other than worried and frustrated and pissed.
I can make smart choices.
And I don't feel all alone.
Trying to find my truth in all this and my balance.

If I can't after some time, then I will make a decision that is right for me.
I can make those kinds of decisions. And live with them.
It's that simple.

I'm enjoying the wind this morning.
I am praying for Cathy T's dad and for her and her family today that all will be well.
And the cup will just stay under the sink leak until later.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Got my handbasket. Would like to have a guessing game about where I've been but that wouldn't be accurate....
Got another leak on another pipe on a different sink..this house is falling apart.
I'm going outside in my long undies (yes, I am THAT cold) and my pink menopause boots under the almost full moon and I'm going to load some push-ups-tent-thingies that weigh as much as a Prius into my dad's car because I forgot to bring them back earlier last week. I have no brain cells to spare. But I look like a cute something or 'tother in my outfit.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Tylenol PM...It's a good thing.