Mississippi Moments

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

59. Wore the dress. Had a great time! Yes, pictures were taken...I felt like a princess and Creighton Bildstein (lame, stupid but cute prom date who refused to dance and who later told me that he went because it was a free dinner) can go have his own party because I HAD a BLAST yesterday!!!
60. taught the Electric slide and other early 80s disco moves...4th and 3rd graders love to "retro"dance!
61. cooking is going well -in pairs-over three days so far
62. no, baking soda and baking powder and salt are NOT interchangeable and I guess you will find out when we bake it up on Thursday and yours tastes a little off
63. there is something to be said for following directions
64. there is a "petition" going at my school to have me move up to 5/6 next year--Uh, no.
65. I have a "date" for Vietnam-Spring, 2009--if I choose this program.
66. Kazakhstan-9 months to 1 year--nightmare of an adoption process
67. US- boy, not girl-immediately to around 1 year.
67a. Ethiopia--a possibility
67b. Guatemala-a possibility
67c. I am completing one task per day to make this more real--it is working-did a big one today
68. I'm thinking about it all
69. enrique iglesias--i heard him in Paris for the first time--been trying to find it ever since-found the music tonight.
70. jammin' in my jammies
71. it's lighter out at 5pm now
72. I have begun to banish students from my kingdom and sending them to odd places like the Outer Banks (under my desk), Pluto (the computer lab), Madagascar (under the table in the back of the classroom)--maybe you have to be there but they are laughing their heads off and we are getting some work done.
73. Tomorrow is yellow, orange or purple day--I'm working on it. not hard.
74. Anne of Green Gables

"I am well in body although considerably rumpled up in spirit, thank you, ma'am," said Anne gravely. p.95
"I love MY LIFE!" EMR-p. 44

Monday, January 29, 2007

59. Found THE DRESS! (well, actually, Mom did!) and the HNA 1980 Graduation dress which she made and Julie's
60. tried on dress--it fits! (well, sort of..I have boobs and shoulders now.) Mom fixed that with pins and some material...teh dress not my boobs. They are fine as is.
61. Score! My curling iron from the 80's was in the bottom drawer in the bathroom. It works. I did my hair in the bathroom. Looks like all that! It still sort of feathers. and It really curls under.
62. Found eye makeup and lipstick from that era. It works. Kind of gross but we will see. mom says all the germs are dead now, too.
63. Score! Found Seattle U Lady Chieftains soccer jacket and strip #6! (well. actually, Mom did. ) still fits. sort of. Gonna wear that for the second part of the day with black soccer shorts and socks. Will keep the eye makeup on.
64. Score! I KNEW the 80's would come back around if I waited long enough. I loved what we wore then. I am even thinking about cutting my hair short on one side just to have some fun!
65. Made a CD of 80's tunes for tomorrow--will have fun teaching the 3rd and 4th graders some REAL DANCING. Disco in their dear little futures...minus the Portuguese fishermen or cute Iranian engineering students.
66. Had fun today at school in our pajamas.
67. found another shellshocked 3/4 teacher wandering the halls and we did the "Find 5" ritual--finding 5 blessings from the day that stood out--and we did it!
68. went to a meeting with the director from another adoption agency. I have lots to think about this week.
69. future miracle-seeing Julie wear her S.U. and/or HNA soccer jerseys.
70. mom--thanks for everything!
I have to go now. I have to get my beauty rest so I can get ready for the PROM!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

35. scented candles
36. friends who make scented candles and give them to me
37. enjoying dinner at a new place and knowing that I still best enjoy my old favorites that I can afford
38. Subarus on a rainy day
39. Subarus in the snow
40. Subarus with hatchback for putting things in the back
41. Subarus when you have forgotten that you put stuff back there last week and then you open it and voila! it's all there including all the tupperware you use to bring soup to school
42. Hot soup at school
43. Hot tea at school after you've eaten your lunch
44. Being afraid that you wouldn't be able to be happy for friends who have had a baby and you don't have yours yet and then you find out that --nope--you can be happy for them, genuinely, and you will be happier when you get yours, too
45. wondering what happy smells like when you are trying to decide what soap to use in the shower
46. deciding that you, yourself, smell like happy and that it can be a whole lot of things
47. the Rolling Stones
48. Aretha
49. Jack Johnson
50. the Burning Down the house guy
51. being honest
52. disco
53. going totally retro on the 4th graders when we were discussing what it was like to dress "80's"--
54. not being able to come out of the 80's and enjoying the hell out of it!
55. teaching them to "slam dance" like Julie and I use to in the bathroom and bounce off the walls and each other.
56. trying to explain this to the parents of said children after they bring it home.
57. reggae without ganja
58. knowing Mom has my prom dress and I can wear it on Tuesday because I saw it in the basement at Christmas

Thursday, January 25, 2007

27. cedar
28. cedar soap
29. me after a hot shower with cedar soap
30. massages
31. my team h teachers
32. looking forward to camping trips
33. sleep
34. my new favorite restaurant except Azteca-Maggie's Bluff
11. J ROCKS!
11a. Mom and Dad coming over right after church to help me with a water leak...just like that.
12. hot baths
13. my kids at school--yes, I said, MY kids
14. hot coffee in the morning
15. prayer time
16. tears
17. trusting myself even when it hurts
18. good tennis shoes
19. fleece socks
20. extra pillows on the bed
21. walks with tea
22. walks with dogs
22. walks with friends
23. walks with kids
24. walks with coffee
25. walks with God
26. walks with herons

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Miracles, magic...oh yeah, I fucking forgot.
Now I remember.
Hee!...things are fine in my world. I just forgot for a couple of days.
Did some great ritual Letting Go to the Stones last night...my knees are paying for it today, but then two miracles happened that I counted, well, three.
1. The pink-encrusted mountains at dusk tonight.
2. Sara handing me a plan with dancing targets for the students tonight. Yay, lots of talk, show and little bounce. Good for knees.
3. I AM going to get some clock hour credits for this writing class that I have been taking since August. I have hit the perfect score mark every single week (on my own with a little help from my friends and handouts) and prof pulled me aside today and said he was going to pull it off for me. Yay.
4. The fog creeping across the sound this morning at dawn and the way it just floated across the water like the foam when the waves pull back at the ocean.
5. All my Sistahs and Sister-friends and Star Sisters holding space around me and My Heart and reminding me to trust what I know, let it go, get mad if I need to to find the energy to be present to what is coming, and to remember that I will be given what I need.
6. I already have it. What I need that is.
7. Someone named Tim. He seems really nice. He plays harp. He has a parrot. He lives in Ballard. We might be friends.
8. Homemade bread.
9. Wood to share.
10. Big golden dogs with pig toys in their mouths.
Darn! I have to get to bed and the list was just starting.......

Monday, January 22, 2007

it was a hard day, not with the kids, but with other stuff.
i don't even feel like using the shift button tonight.
suffice it to say that Mary J. and I had a quiet, LIfe-giving, sacred prayer and sharing and Bible study time tonight.
I am learning about some other optons regarding the adoption.
I am in conversation with another agency and this feels like a good fit.
There are several more options for a woman like me than at the agency I have been using. there is also another possibility that might be opening up tomorrow, but I don't want to say much about that because it is a serious long shot..and completely up to God---really like this whole thing.
I don't have 40,000 smackers to spend on getting this party started. It shouldn't have to be all about $$.
I don't want to be a guinea pig.
I don't want to push or Taurus anything.
I keep playing by the rules and am getting nothing in return. Nothing.
I am not depressed or hopeless (i was a little bit at school this morning but that didn't last long). I am not fatalistic about this coming to fruition..rather enlivened that something, anything is moving in a "now, you're the next contestant on it's your turn to be a family" game.
I learned some more things about other programs today that shocked my socks off.
I want to know if we know anyone in the bigwig section of Immigration R Us for the U.S. We might just need it.
As I shared with mary j. I don't need a miracle. there are already too many to count in my daily life. right down to bag of apples and red potatoes that materialized on my front porch this evening. much love in going to all on the outside.
Better today.
I chopped wood. Baked bread-three loaves. One beer bread-interesting. Too sweet for my taste but my, did it make the house smell good. Carried water--actually found some dripping water and proceeded to break the faucet handle trying to fix it with a tool that I had remembered in the emergency kit. Dad will help me fix that, too. He says there might be a faucet from Surridge Central that might work. That would be cool. Did some pruning. Thought real hard about a puppy. The truth is a puppy would be a super distraction and would give meaning to my life but it would be a substitute at this moment. NOt fair to anyone. At just the right moment, Friday, the Sheltie of the neighborhood came by for hugs and barks yesterday. He kept barking at me and looking funny-like he was waiting for something from me. It was bizarre. I also learned how to score expository writing samples using new to me rubrics. Hope I did okay. I am learning how to write specific, helpful, and relevant comments on student work. takes alot of time. Good workout this morning. It's getting crowded.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I'm thinking about getting out the turkeybaster...
I could get a job with Seattle Parks and Rec picking up garbarge at Golden Gardens and then I could just get pregnant and not lose my job teaching where I teach now. I just heard from the other adoption agency. The current wait, from the time of application filing, is 2 years for a girl, 18-20 months for a boy. Or maybe I'm supposed to just wait some more....I'm bummed now, thinking of options, and going to chop wood...
Trust and truth...words for this day.

...but it does mean, if only for an instant,
you love wihout attack,
An instant is sufficient.
Miracles wait not on time.---A course in Miracles, p. 535

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy.---Kahlil Gibran

So, it goes without saying that I was kinda mad on Friday night, eh? ( I just love those mooses in Brother Bear!:)
I have contacted the other adoption agency and I have contacted my social worker. It seems, if I have read all the materials thoroughly on the other website, that aside from completing their initial application process, that this isn't a blip, just a switch and the process continues from where we left off...okay, eh. Let's go.
So, this morning,when I woke up mad and disoriented again, I started the day with my usual prayer, "Thank you, God, for this amazing day..." (which I believe). Then I tried to find my glasses---it's been a little hard lately because I am sleepwalking again and I "wear" my glasses when I do this alot of the times--don't ask me why. I don't have my eyes open. I don't see anything really. I don't even remember that I have left my bed usually until I find things that I have carried into other rooms like my books, candles, teddy bears, dog statues, etc. Here's really the lovely (could be pathetic but I am taking the positive side of this as just practicing like training for the 08 Olympics--I went into the other room to "CHECK ON MY CHILD". In my sleep. In my dreams. It's real there. Now that's cool. And you know what some of the great thinkers have written: DREAM==>
THOUGHT===>ACTION===>BEING. I plan to continue to study Vietnamese. It's a beautiful language anyway.
And talk about self-discipline. The first thing I did yesterday morning was pull out the number of a Sheltie breeder who I know has puppies now. Then, one hand clamped on the other hand (like Robin Williams fighting with himself) and we had a little fight and then the stronger hand made the other hand put it back into the drawer. Thank goodness, Mary J. stopped by yesterday and we had a lovely afternoon of "chat, sat, and chowder". I also devoured an interesting book called The Other Boleyn Girl, about Mary Boleyn Carey Stafford. Just what I needed for the mood I was in. I will do report cards stuff today, chop wood, go to church, go to school (lesson plans) and do laundry (right here in my own home!!!WAHOO!) A walk seems like a good thing....to start another week. Oh, and the daffodils have poked their first green tendrils through mother eart's winterblanket and so have the hyacinths!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Testing, testing, testing....
Okay, so I got word from the adoption agency today...it was a direct challenge to that last bit of going to your mountains and telling them how great your God is. I've done that and will keep doing it. I was informed that Vietnam is dragging its proverbial feet and we have gone from "any day now, any hour now" to we don't have a clue when they are going to accredit us and don't see it happening in the forseeable future. I HAVE A HUGE GOD! BIGGER THAN A BUREAUCRAT'S.......STAMP!
Do I want to consider working with another adoption agency? Do I want to consider Russia or Khazask.....MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN ALL THIS! Yes, I plan to work with another agency. Soon. Tomorrow. Tonight is bath night. Reading night. Quiet night.
Practicing my Vietnamese CD night. Tuning the harp night and actually playing something new.

And an "interesting" (I'm being slightly sarcastic here) thing- I was stopped by a very well-meaning parent just after I had received this latest news. She shared that a cousin of hers received the photo of their Chinese daughter to be today-14 months old. They travel the first of March. Her cousin waited 7 years. I was filled with joy for them. Me, I've waited 7 years, 18 days, 19 hours....it's time. Needing some vibes and mojo from the village out there...................

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

All my life,
in nameless, indeterminate ways,
I'd tried to complete myself with someone else-
first my father, then Hugh, even Whit, and
I didn't want that anymore.
I wanted to belong to myself.---Jessie, p. 318

(The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd)

When you pray, don't tell God how big your mountains are.
When you pray, go to your mountains and tell them how big your God is.--Joel Osteen, preacher
It's raining...and I can't believe that I am happy about this, but I am.
Philip's music is gently filling this home with love and peace. There is such energy there. I intend to replace the broken string on the big harp and tune her up. She waits by the window for her chance to share her Voice and peace in this space.
A good day at school. Boy, does it feel right to get back in the swing of things. I taught a somewhat successful Powerpoint lesson today in 12 minutes for each group. I wasn't as patient as I could've been. I will need to follow my impulse to split the goups by developmental level instead of mulitage this project. The chasm of skills is signficant. That will be the remedy for tomorrow and then we will have nothing about which to be impatient. It has been difficult getting back into the "groove"--for the children, not for me. I'm so glad to be back working. Working -Erin-GOOD. Dance was fine, too. It's going to take some time to build endurance again, but today was fine for focusing, setting achievable targets, demos, and then skills and practice. I was a little loopy by class #2, but it went by quickly. I've been correcting math tests since I got home. I also washed dishes and ate a simple dinner of soup and salad. Throw in a cup of tea and you have my evening. I am back losing some of the weight I put on over the past few weeks. Give me 6 weeks and I'll feel like my old self again.
I also just finished an incredible book---The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd. Wow. I filled a few pages in my journal with passages that just spoke to my Heart and Experience. I have been replaying a few of the "old tapes" in my head these past few weeks over my failed marriages and relationships. It just catches me unaware and totally bums me out. I just retreat into distraction with food or false fun or kids' movies (Brother Bear 2 and Ice Age Meltdown). Not good for active, balanced and healthy EMR...so instead of beating up on myself, I recognize it for what it is. I also ask myself how likely it is that either one of my former mates spends ANY time with regrets or monkey mind ruminations that serve no purpose whatsoever...and the answer is NOT AT ALL-so why am I doing this dance. I don't like it. It isn't healthy. I choose to stop it and replace the dance with something else, something Life-giving....like making healthy food choices. like writing. like doing a bit of work but not all of it even though I could be working until tomorrow morning if I wanted to. like giving myself space to grieve--that's what this is mostly about. I miss certain Beloveds in the snow and wintry days and nights. like exercising which I continue to do and it makes a huge difference in my outlook, my energy, and my day. like loving myself and standing in hope.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

It's still snowing. Big, soft flakes. Everything is covered and muffled in that peaceful stillness that only snow can bring. My coffee and I went out (with some spirit-dogs in tandem) to walk in the magic and quiet. It's still dark outside. I've been watching the snow fall since around 4 a.m. Actually, I went out to track a raccoon. I noticed around 6 am that there were raccoon tracks right under the front window and on the path to the little pond and then off across the moon lawn to...? So I hadn't heard from school yet whether yes or no snow day so I put on my boots and made coffee to find out where the raccoon had come from and where she went. I tracked her around the corner and through several backyards (by where she came out on the sidewalk, etc--I was NOT moseying into my neighbors' backyards!) Then, I just continued the walking and listening. I love to sing to myself in teh snow. Warm cup of coffee is a wonderful to take on an early walk in the snow. I met a couple of other neighbors who were thinking about going in to work. I also found my next door neighbor out and asked him if he had found where the raccoon went to. I had managed to follow the tracks to a large shore pine that is next to their front door. He said that she had hung there for a while and then the family (there are three) had headed through their backyard. The very large pine lodgepole pine that grew in their backyard split and blew down in the big windstorm and so it is now gone. I am missing it and the birds and crows that used to roost there. There once was even a heron. The raccoons will need to find another home. Apparently they have garbage day figured out in Ballard and plan accordingly. It was the coolest thing to find those raccoon tracks around the front and side this morning. I am also glad that Fiona and Sadie never tangled with the raccoons or possums or rats that live around here.
I have been having fun with my friend. Louise, for the past four days. She flew up from southern CA and we have enjoyed a weekend. It included two super and very cold walks out at Shilshole down to the wetlands area. We spent a day downtown. Louise loves to shop. I mean LOVES to shop. I like to watch people shop and vicariously through L-, enjoyed th experience. SHe managed to do serious damage. I discovered some fun stores like Restoration Hardware and Brookestone. Ann Taylor was nice and a few others. I think the fashions now are stupid and it makes me sad that it was a beautiful day outside with lightly falling snow all day and the mall was packed. And the phones and other technology people have. We enjoyed a fine dinner at her favorite Seattle restaurant, the Metropolitan Grill. It was the best cheesecake I've ever had. Not too many veggie choices, but they made a lovely plate of fettucini for me. We went to a movie and stayed over at the Fairmont Olympic. It was fun to work out on machines that have a television right on the machine! I watched the history channel and then some cooking show with these two Irish guys making food for a kids party. They also had to add goodies for the gown-up kids in the form of Guinness floats. That made me laugh. We had a spa day at Habitude and a lovely dinner at Anthony's. Then we spent all day yesterday hoofing it around her old haunts in West Seattle. I have never explored around there like that. We ate at the venerable Spuds on Alki. Then we enjoyed an incredibly long walk along Alki with the mountains on three sides of us and families out with their kids and dogs. There is alot of history in West Seattle. I want to go back and explore the Loghouse museum which used to be a carriage house for an old estate copmpletely surrounded with trees. There are some pieces of the estate still intact. Then there is Schmitz park with old growth and an environmental learning center. The best was another long walk on the snow and among the trees along the bluff at Lincoln Park. I see myself logging some serious tree and walk time there in the future. This lovely weekend was her husband's Christmas present to her. I learned the city does not allow dogs near play areas which bummed me out. I understand it but it still bummed me out. How am I supposed to walk my child and dog at Shilshole and then if we want to play on the slide, what are we aupposed to do? I refuse to tie my dog to a pole and go play. That would be like tying my kid to a pole so the dog could swim. Sigh, it's just like not being allowed to bring your dog to watch soccer games now. That was a no-brainer for me. In fact, I used to do it all the time with Fiona and Sadie when I first moved back to Seattle and was still going to students' soccer games to be supportive. I just always worked a lovely walk in there, too. I'll figure it out. There will just have to other family time with dogs for all of us! And at PIne Lake we can play soccer, go to the "beach" and hang out together. Same at Fair Isle.
I am happy to be back here at Fair Isle, blogging by candlelight, and watching the snow come down. I will use this lovely day to finish thank you notes and complete writing assessments. "...walking in a winter wonderland...."

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Happy Birthday, Maude! I wonder if it was snowing and this bitter cold on the day that you chose to come into the world?!
I am so thankful you did and that you chose our family. I hope you are enjoying a special day with all your men and your puppy. You have my love and wishes for a beautiful birthday and the year to come. Love, E-
Thien means Loving Kindness in Vietnamese. I learned that today. Home. From school. Not sure what to do with myself at first. But I do now. And it's fun to add periods when I write where I want to. Period. Because I can. So I worked out and took a long bath and finished this drama-bio of Rachel Jackson. It was sooooo sad and full of one despair after another for her and for Andrew. So I did some checking to see if that was just the author's style-Nope. They really did experience all of that trauma, drama, separation, anxiety, and loss. Over and over again. So now it's on to Abigail Adams.
I am also in line to read the manual for the new front loader washing machine. Mostly, I've been going downstairs to look at it and just touch it once in a while. Like my first car. Sat in Mom and Dad's driveway for three weeks because I didn't know how to drive a stick. And when I learned I was afraid to get out of third so Sabrina and I drove all the way to Portland for the ceilidh in third. Took us a really long time. I figured out 4th and 5th for the drive back. SO I am going to do laundy today and hope I know how to use the thing correctly. I am also putting it out to the Universe for bookshelves-tall ones, many shelved ones so I can bring my books back upstairs. Off to read and bury compost and enjoy this snowy day!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Sweet Dreams...
I'm stalling going to bed because I keep hoping I will look outside and it will start snowing again.
I believe there is a song about that somewhere......
I noticed this evening that I wrote my first "letter" and intention to a Child of my Heart on Dec. 28, 2003...right before everything seemed to go to hell in a handbasket but really it was a basket full of hands in the Heaven that is Now. Here. Mine.
Powerful stuff, that of the Heart and proof that some important relationships, like the one you have with your Self is the one that matters when things get rough and unbelievable in bullshit. And the One that you have with Your Loving Parent.
I got myself an invitation to Tet in February. We are going to be playing the harp as part of the celebration. Time to start practicing and replacing that one broken string.
It's snowing...well, it was and will again. I'm certain of it.
No dancing. Yes to cozy fire, steaming mug of tea, harp music, journal and dumb but interesting book. I am at present not intrigued by other people's drama, even if they are just characters in a novel. But it is engaging. Our writing class was shorter today. Once again, I nailed the projects. We had to show evidence that our students had used scissors and tape or glue today. Like I said, interesting.
Will and Little Feather gave me a Sacred Journal for Solstice. I am enjoying working in it.
We talked tonight. It has snowed quite a bit at the Field and the kittens are loving it. We made plans to gather in February.
I read up on the importance and symbolism of names in the Vietnamese culture. The word "Binh" signifies peacefulness. There are so many beautiful names. It will not be hard. S/he will tell me when we meet.
I received another bit of adoption news today. This may not seem like any big deal to those on the outside but every "hurdle" or hoop is another step that much closer to CHILD IN THIS HOME. The State of WA has seen fit to grant clearance to all of my paperwork and background. I am one of 15 waiting parents now in the program. I should hear momentarily from the prgram coordinator about the next set of hoops.
I spent some reflecting time looking at the snow, curled up next to the fire and in my Gratitude Journal. In it, for the past 5 years, I have been listing my blessings or thankfulnesses. There is a predominant theme:
*Walks with dogs
*Coffee in the morning in certain special cups
*The Olympic mountains
*dancing with my sisters
*My family of origin
My family of Choice
*Baking bread
*making soup
*Going out to dinner
*Book group
*My work as a teacher
*Walks in the woods
*My garden
*Herons and all my animal teachers
*My healthy body
*Christmas music
*early morning
*the RV
*prayer circles and Sacred Contract sharings
*tea in a Grandma Surridge Christmas cup
I am really missing my dogs tonight. The first thing I thought of after the slight frenzy of making sure that the dancers knew about the cancellation was to run home so I could get the dogs and we could go play and walk in the snow...it took me several breaths in the driveway to realize that they weren't here in that way anymore. The snow made me forget.................

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Dance your dance.Sing your song. Tell your tale.-Frank McCourt
Kinds of sums it up, don't it. I just finished a sweet, reflective time of prayer and sharing with my dear Mary J. I treasure our times together. It just places things in the right place and space. It also feels very Life-giving to me putting priority for time and energy toward prayer, Bible study, and reflection. The air is certainly colder than a little while ago. I am too tired to make a fire but will look for that tomorrow. Today was a good day. Spent most of it at work finishing up a somewhat pointless writing project for another installment of our class which happens tomorrow afternoon. If it isn't cancelled, then it will only be three more times and then we are finished! I will have to see what kind of credit we can arrange for all the work. I have a perfect "grade" and I have done the work even though I have had to miss at least half of instructional time because I CHOOSE to teach dance. So there. I intend to get a perfect score the entire bloody class just to show that prof. Old stick in the mud.
Kim McMonagle made me cry this morning-in a good way. She is our MSL specialist, and a mighty fine one. i love having her on staff. She came to me before school and told me about the number of my former 2nd graders who are signed up to prepare for Confirmation. She said there was discussion among many parents last night about how the seeds of spiritual growth and faith were deeply nurtured while those dear students were on "my watch"...I thank God for having had the chance to be in the right place at the right time with the gifts to do the Work for Abba, and to step out of the way when it was necessary for the Holy Spirit. One of those rare moments of synchronicity when you finally get to experience the fruits of the labor. It has happened three times in the past few months in very specific ways. Powerful ways. I have made a difference..and I still do.
I finally contacted the Vietnamese America dental hygienist today and left a message asking for language lessons. I also ordered a little book and CD from ebay. ebay is dangerous, like amazon. I am making one effort or action everyday toward this family growing reality. I have spent some time on the internet this week learning about other things to do to prepare. I am beginning with a Life Book. I will be contacting all my sibs, family of origin, family of choice for pictures. I will get a digital camera to begin taking photos of this little cottage and dear-to-us places and activities. Then it will be ready for the little one and I will make one for the Vietnamese "aunties" who take care of the babies. They love to learn about where their dear one will be living and with whom and what life will be like in their new homes. I have also learned that many of the "aunties" like to write letters from Vietnam to the child during their early years to help them with questions they might have later in their life. It helps build relationship. I believe it helps build peace and understanding.
I went to a panel/class last night at REI on Nature-Deficit Disorder. It was packed, standing room only and full of panel members from different programs and organizations committed to supporting getting children and families out into nature and the outdoors. It was phenomenal. There are so many programs and there is such a need. This is the first generation (the present one) of children who have a "disconnect" from nature and a lack of relationship with the outdoors. For most kids, the only time they get outside is in structured chores or organized sports. An interesting correlation-the highest percentage of obese kids in the US and the highest percentage of kids signed up for organized sports. Don't get me wrong. There's not all wrongness about organized sports, but it is not the same thing as just getting outside for unstructured play, exploration, being time. We are lucky here in Seattle in a sense because of our parks and beaches. We have the mountains and the Olympic peninsula close, etc. I was truly impressed with the Wilderness Awareness School' representation last night. There is something there for me-I can feel it and I can taste it. It is almost into beingness if I want it and seek it. These are the same kind, connected people who come to the ceilidhs in Duvall. We shall see.
AS a result of last night's class though, I had a Brigie-type dream-a shocker, one that left me nauseous, on the edge of a panic atttack, sick in my heart, frustrated. I dreamt that I was in a large room in a house and it was my desire to get the kids in the house outside in the beautiful woods behind the house. The kids in the house were playing video games and watching t.v. My own baby was also in the house. I was wrapped in a black chador or burqa--the kind where even your eyes are concealed by mesh. I knew I wasn't supposed to leave the house without being covered up entirely but I didn't care. I kept trying to get rid of the burqa and to get the kids outside. I couldn't even reach my own child because I kept tripping and being wrapped in this black fabric. It was AWFUL! This went on all night. I even tried to sleep in and not work out (mistake) hoping that some resolution or aid would come in the dream, No such thing. I went to school exhausted, on the verge of a migraine, and anxious from the emotions and power in the dream. I know the sacrifices and benefits of staying in the city, staying here in Ballard, working with city kids, the life I choose, the life I will choose and create for my family and dogs to come. It was still very disheartening and took all day to get rid of the headache and the pent-up energy with a good workout at Curves after school. I have a desire this year to find someone who will go with me into the rainforest on the south fork of the Hoh for a few days of backpacking.
Tomorrow is Brenin's birthday. I am so glad that you chose to come to Earth at this time in this way. I am glad you chose our sister and our family to be a part of. Happy Birthday, Dear One.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It is cold and the mountains are singing today!
I love walking out at Shilshole with good coffee (or bad coffee) with the wind in my face. Today there were lots of people walking dogs (what is it about guys who let their dogs shit and then pretend to look for something to pick it up with and then as soon as they think you are past them and not watching anymore, they walk off and leave the shit?!?) I wonder if that is a metaphor for other crap they pull....pardon my attitude for the gentlemen that are reading this. I know you wouldn't leave your own shit or that of your dogs or horses where it would cause pain or crap to other people. I saw three sets of guys do that today...no women were letting their dogs crap and not tending to it. I also checked in with several of my Beloveds today. It continues to be a good week. And it is TWELFTH NIGHT! I am going to celebrate with Turi with pho soup and see if I can get a Vietnamese waitron to teach me how to pronounce all of the Vietnamese words I am learning how to read but not say (YET!) We are going to talk about the Artist's Way. I am reading a great book right now. It's called "You Can Do It! The Merit Badge Book for Grown-up Girls. It's already a time of being aware of Power, Potential, Prayer, and Practice.
Maude, you will appreciate this little ditty. We had free-dress at school yesterday, so for the first time (like ever) I wore my "new" jeans with one of my new green sweaters.I also did my hair and wore makeup for the fun of it. In that movie "Must Love Dogs", you would call it a "boob shirt". Anyway, I was walking down the hall to pick up my students and I heard a couple of other teachers behind me talking'--WHO is that?" I turned around and they screamed and laughed. I went back and said "What's up, ladies?" (These are my 30 something team teachers). They told me that they were remarking about the totally cute ass on that woman and how well her butt looked in those jeans!! Can you believe it? After that, throughout the day, they sang my new theme song whenever I passed by them--"Brickhouse"...they also told me I need to wear more shirts like I had on because I never let my figure be seen like that around school...apparently (and I quote) I am stacked and I am cute. Heh! Heh! Made my day! So, I need to get another pair of these pants!! And where can I find a date???
Book group was lovely last night. We curled up and watched Harry Potter #1. Actually, I curled up in front of the fire and "listened" to Harry Potter and the discussion. It was one of the sweeteest, coziest Friday nights I have had in a long time. I love winter for stuff like that. I love the women in my book group, too. There is a lot of love, support, creativity, brain power, and life in this pack. And some awesome dogs and cats, too. I had a friend offer me a Brittney Spaniel today. 3 years old. I have to look it up. Don't know anything about them. I am having a tough time waiting for Vietnam to get off its governmental butt. I want to get this nest into gear. I want to..I want to...I want to...
Time to go to work for awhile and finish reading assessments and lesson plans. I love working out, too, but my knees are talking to me at the moment. I am looking forward to more prayer/share time with Mary J. this week and the chance to thank my Loving Creator for the good and the magic in my daily life. There sure is a lot of it!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Surrender and not very often...
There are certain phases when calm and grace pervade everything in my day, my work, my life, my outlook, my emotions. I am smack dab in the middle of one of those "flows" of ebb and flow. It is reflected in every aspect of my life. I am planned at work. Time is corresponding to what is set up. Traffic is cooperating. I am enjoying working out-even though it's hard sometimes. The lessons at school are going well..They are not particularly interesting or involoved, and they are meeting standards and students are engaged. The flow of resources for the financial garden is in balance, even though today was a minor setback with the 30,000 mile check-up for the Subaru. I'm working on the plan to erase all debt in the next few months. It doesn't weigh on me but it doesn't serve the present either. My emotions and appetite haven't been crazy. I am always inclined to eat more at this time of year, so I am making good choices about what I eat. i could do better in the when dept. I love my life, and I am naturally wishing for some male companionship. Not a mate. Not a dad for my kids. Just someone to date once in awhile, to be friends with, to hang out with, to laugh with, to share with...
These past three days have been lovely flow days, bathed in the light of the full moon. I mention my Intention to have more understanding about what it is in Me that creates and draws this kind of flow and grace and utter lack of drama. There is a life-giving balance here and it's working for me.
It's my kind of magic...

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Women, We are the Soul-Ocean.
I read those today on my wall of words in my kitchen on the bottom of a poem. I like the sound of Soul-Ocean.
I'm really too tired to write much. I enjoyed a rhythm today with school, workout, food, more work, a lesson in something I have wanted to learn in over 10 years, and tea with dear friends. I ate un-chicken soup today because I have missed the taste and smell of that precious commodity in these dark, dark, damp days. I am thankful that I have the resources to pay for heat when I am too tired to fire up the woodstove. And there are layers of comforters and quilts to crawl beneath at the end of a long day. The children were themselves today. I am thankful for that, too. And I am wondering if it is going to be okay to eat a lot of toasted cheese sandwiches, soup, fruit slices, mac and cheese, quiche, and veggie burgers. That is all I seem to cook on a regular basis. There won't be any pork roast at this house although I have wonderful memories of the cozy feel, smell and taste of that homey dinner Mom used to make. I might add pizza, veggie meatloaf, potatoes, vegan field roast, and lots of homemade veggie stews of sorts. We will eat alright. We will eat together and often. We will have lots of picnics. We will eat in front of a cozy fire-alot. We will nibble toast in bed. And in a tent in the living room...and in the backyard. Can you tell that my thoughts are on things to come? Being "adoptively pregnant" has its suckage. I am not complaining---well, so what if I am. It's been 7 years!! It's time to get that damn governmental stamp in gear....I am also wondering how I am going to work out on a regular basis with baby. It is critical to my mental and emotional well-being. I can't see myself up at o dark thirty with a baby jogger. Up and out with Shelties was a completely different thing and that all changed when there wasn't a man about the house. I will have to give this some thought and energy and come up with a plan. The Leslie character on my walking workout video is tolerable when I watch her reflection in one of my paintings, but sometimes she annoys the heck out of me...but it's one heck of a great workout. The treadmill is too big and it's still broken (although I do have the tools to fix it). That's another option and it's going out in the garage. Jumprope-another option. Okay, that's three.
I am teaching my first Powerpoint lesson tomorrow. I am excited! I have a great tutor myself and she gets it.
Soul-Ocean....what does that mean? I will ask the Moon...

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Ditto, Brigie. wow...
Today was my first day back to work in this "new" year, and I enjoyed the peace, grace, and focus of everything. That will all change when the students return tomorrow!:)
I blogged up a storm last night, all about my super special walk at Shilshole and the thoughts, remembrances, "polar bears", herons, eagles, cormorants, sea lions, layakers, and Greman shorthairs. Then I went ot fix some bad punctuation and it all disappeared. bang, that fast! What a bummer...so trust me, it was good. I may or may not try again.

I am finally beginning to feel like myself. I had a wonderful holiday but I o'd on all the people and places. Time for some quiet, too. I know I did that on purpose so I wouldn't be alone very much. Now, it feels right.
And Hope IS finding me well.
Thanks for the prayer and faith sharing tonight, Mary J. The cheese sandwich was good, too. And that silly Christmas kitty.
This dark, quiet time holds such space and time for us to look at our Light within. I am also thankful for the extra large tarps at Fred Meyer's. So far, sogood with that lil ole RV in the backyard.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Healing "New" Year--gee, thanks, Gregory. It's really been a "new" year since Nov. 1, but any excuse to celebrate and remember...and pray. I'm with ya!

I'm off to walk.near water. and mountains. with a dear friend. and angel dogs.
Then it's to the movies with some great kids for round II.
Then work for awhile.
Then I will reflect and blog from my Heart.