"Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people."---Eat, Pray, Love p. 261

Went to the surgeon today. She was gentle, thorough, respectful, and kind. Surgery is scheduled for March 31st. Only three days to recover and I can do that at home. She doesn't know what it is and they will send it to the lab to find out. Par for the course. It also seems to be resting ON TOP of muscle and other layers which makes the procedure just a nip-, cut, out and done...or something like that. Then it will feel like she punched me in the chest for a few days and that's that. And she had cute very trendy shoes. And she was the BEST. I am eternally grateful for Mark and Dixie for their help. It takes good people to know good people. And it helps that I am good people, too. And in good health.

Things were funny in firstgradeland today. They, the anklebiters (wait! or are these the licelearners--i forget what the deliniations were)...anywho-they got busted for pulling out all the stops for the sub that was in there yesterday. I happened by a few times in between work sessions and I heard the rest of the juicy news from other teachers...so the b****was back in town today and they knew the jig was up and the jug was empty! We had several teachable opportunities to work the eyebrow and the face mask today even though I was cracking up inside and my soul was harfing with the lessons that were being learned. Then I mentioned that oh, yes, they were having a sub that afternoon and that the Dragon Lady would be back tomorrow. Silence...then M- Legolas is a wimp boy broke the still with--"Hey! Wait! That's...YOU!" And he looked back at me and he goes-"Yeah, ain't that the truth. (I gave him the eye and a wink) and he winked back and said to himself-"But we like it that way!"......I do too. Time for me and my lump to go to bed.

It's been a tough couple of days. But something of an ordinary miracle nature happened today...this afternoon I got a call from Caitlin Gallagher on the phone from Western. Did I remember when I adopted out two rescued Sheltie puppies-Grace and Rainy? Well, I did. (I rescued those two darling sister-doglets and brought them home several years ago. Word went out and they found homes with a couple of teacher-friends who were Sheltie people.) Catilin was in a Creative Writing class today reading and critiquing another student's creative narrative and it was about her family's beloved Sheltie they had adopted from...well...Me!
Caitlin told the writer that she misspelled my name..And the girl wanted to know how Caitlin knew and where she was from..Uh...Ballard:). And then I got that call. Rainy is no longer on this plane but Love and Her Story are...and they came home to me today...just when I needed them most.

Thanks to all for the Lovin' and prayers out there. This is OUR LIFE.

I really helped to have a conversation, a REAL conversation, on Friday eve with Mith R #5,To be Seen, to be Heard, To be Acknowledged that Tough is as Tough Does. Helps you sleep better...

There is nothing like digging compost in your underwear (long underwear that is) with coffee, surrounded by flicker song and divebombing crowteens. There is nothing like shearing lavendar in the same surroundings with nothing but an old pair of kitchen scissors because they fit your hand just so even though you've tried other, fancier tools. Doing three loads of laundry and hanging them up to dry at the same time and all this before the sun is truly up. THis is Life. My Life. I have missed being able to sit outside with the sun caressing my face, reminding me that what is old and dead feeds what is ready to come to life, licking at whisps of warmth and hope. I love this time of year when we are all waking up again and learning that there is light, hope, community, meaningful work, and walks and talks for our hearts. There is a quieting of the monkey-mind parade. That's what this weekend has been. Cup of tea, out in the sun, with the last chapter of Eat, Pray, Love. And thinking on things.

It happens every year. And this year was different. I turned on the radio on the way home from dance in Monroe and guess who I heard-"Huckleberry" (Neil). He is always a guest on Ciscoe's show. And the usual crappy, angry, tight, not loving) thoughts stood up to have their say..and I invited them to dive right into the Pool of Forgiveness that is open 24/7 in my Heart where they join all the other thoughts and energies that need transformation and healing. And dove they did. And laugh I did. And the mini-me's of those same thoughts jumped up and I showed 'em the way in and told them they would love it so much in there they wouldn't need towels because they wouldn't be coming out and in just a bit they wouldn't even feel like their old-selves. Off they went. And hope I felt.

ANd I starteed thinking of this as I was driving home from teaching those sweet folks in Monroe and having been the vehicle/tool/means of another miracle...let me 'splain. I found this song called "Ordinary Miracle" by Sarah MacLachlan (sp?). I love it. The song that is. And the Truth of what an ordinary miracle is. And most of my Life is this. All of the time. Even when I forget--which has been A LOT lately and still is. Back to what happened in Monroe. I know it is only February and June seems a long time away, but for the reason that I know what it will take to get these dancers ready for some kind of a performance (to my standard), yesterday was the time to plant the seeds of glory. The kids-no problem. They're excited. Want to work harder. Love being able to put steps and such together to time and see the progress. The adults-whole different story. And this is why I love what I do---I take that part that is still alive in them and I awaken it with a small description and a choice---"Here is what is coming up...would you consider....will you trust me to help you create something beautiful. communal, and fun to share with others and the greater community (I want them to dance in August this year at the Monroe community festival whatever). There was some curiosity (that is the Inner Kid in them that got them to this class in the first place) and then a ton of distrust, and "I can't", "We couldn't"-yadayada-ya..whatever. So, I left it at that and said I would like to do the warm-up in a slightly different way and would they please just respond to my voice directions using what movements, steps that they have already learned well. Okay. That was fine with them. I discovered that Uncle Fuzzy and Wonderful put the Scolding Wives of Abertarff on a CD that I haven't given to Julie yet (BUT I WILL). So I plunked that on and asked them to begin to embrace the space (with clearer directions than the words I'm using now). THe movement reflected the sky in a Van Gogh painting called "Les Courbeaux' (The Blackbirds). The soft movements of dancers across the stage doing skips in a natural, unhurried but fluid manner. Then the tempo sharpens a bit as Alisdair begins to embellish the tongue action of those lovely wives and I directed the dancers to dance their regular beginning reel to the piece and the painting changed to more of a Manet (not Monet)- a little more linear, deeper more directed color (it's so much fun being a 4 not on drugs). Music is sharpening, quickening, tightening and so is their collective movement...and then because this music is an Old Friend, I knew when the drum set came and when it was time to break up the dancers into groups and steps....we did this 4 times in a row with a couple of variations and when they were all sucking air and ready for a break and ready to listen--I said"Well, that was your first performance piece...how did that feel?"...silence. Then laughter. Disbelief. Then more body smiles--and words like this"Well, that was fun." "Hey, I can do that." "That was beautiful." "That worked.""That was it?"" You mean, we could do that?""Then..."I like how we moved all over" "Maybe we could do this...?" And I smiled inside and thanked the Source for that Ordinary Miracle...... I laugh when I feel Jesus laughing with me and He takes my hand in His and says He will show me the Garden of Glory and Healing that is growing in Heaven which is Here, too. I was standing in it up to my Inner Eyeballs, kneedeep in that Cosmic Compost. It is amazing what happens when I step aside and let Wonder and Power Work. There are a couple of thoughts from Eat, Pray, Love that capture this better. Elizabeth writes,"
One instant, you're just a regular Joe, schlepping through through your mundane life, and then suddenly--what is this?--nothing has changed, yet you feel stirred by grace, swoleen with wonder, overflowing with bliss. Everything-nor no reason whatsoever--is perfect." (p. 197) The other is a description of her healer-friend, Wayan, and how she "works". "Wayan once told me that sometimes when she's healing her patients, she becomes an open pipeline for God's love, and she ceases even thinking about what needs to be done next. The intellect stops, the intuition rises and all she has to do is permit her God-ness to flow through her. She says it feels like a wind and takes my hands." (p. 273 Eat, Pray, Love). ...for me, it feels like silk and living color...and reflections of YES in the eyes of disbelievers...

It's a lunar eclispe. Go outside and breathe in the magic. Next one---Dec. 20, 2010.
Me-learning that everything around me is not about me.
Cedar-could care less if there were huge ocean at his behind when there are holes to dig with water in them at the beach at Twin Harbors.
He still doesn't "get" the kittens.
Long, nourishing walks in the woods along old logging roads and at the beach.
Food prepared with love and friends to share it with.
Work sucks. a
But I have a good attitude about it.
Reading a book called "Live your best life". Making sense. So is the next chapter of Eat, Pray, Love,
Wondering if this is all there is. And if so, what to do with that.
Must be near my 'moontime'...i'm going back outside.

I'm learning that it isn't All about me.
And that was is about out me is mine. Blessings on what is.
I am holding those I love in Warmth and well, Holding.
I listened to a great NPR show this weekend-Tavis someone... it was about the rituals of St. Valentine's Day. Here's what I came away with: These "ritual days" like St. Valentine's Day are opportunities for anyone to step out of the box and to honor and communicate Relationship! where and when that moves us. Yes, it is an opportunity for the card companies and the makers of chocolate and other sundries to remind us of our "duties" and what-ifs if the day is neglected or not conformed to. It is also another opportunity for us to resist the commercialization of Relationship! I never looked at it that way. I was starting to tune in (but not really believe) the "woe-is-me-I'm-not-partnered"-monkey mind mantra. So for the past couple of days, and mostly today, I have sat that mantra down and all the other monkey mind thoughts in a circle and told (and retold a few times) them to sit there. I have the intention of cultivating and growing this practice. The seeds of meditation .
Cedar is busy chewing on all the things I left for him to chew on during the day.
It is almost one year with this Precious Boy-Dog. No regrets, none, not a one in this dept. Listening to your Self. It's agood thing.

I am in the process of figuring out what it is that I Do want since it seems to becoming evident in therapy and in my dreams that I was holding on to an old Dream that will never come to pass. And since that's the case, something else needs and wants to replace it. Thinking on that one. Still want a cabin in the country with an orchard and a garden and a fence with covered RV parking.

My dream last night was the "bad dream" about being chased by someone who wants what I have and plans to steal it and do harm to me. This thing he wants is a car. In other dreams it has been something else. So, I hide from him but know he is always close behind, And this time, I was shocked to realize that I was intentionally staying close to where he would find me and the car-kind of like cat and mouse. HE found the car. I had someoneelse join me in the cat and mouse game. He was almost about to catch us both--we had made eye contact. And I smiled because up to now in the dream, I had forgotten that I could fly...and so could the car. I could make it do this and I was strong enough to fly and carry the person who was with me and anyone else that needed escaping. Shocking but not surprising. And then I woke up right before I was getting ready to take off and leave him in the dust. Wonder what my therapist will make of that one? I have a few thoughts and a few more chuckles about it.

I was able to make an earlier appointment for the surgeon consult-on Feb. 28th. I will need to reschedule something else that was on the calendar but no big. Let's get this party started.

On the adoption front, there isno official news. There is some unofficial "gossip" that any families in the referral cue that are slated for receiving referrals by Sept. 2008 are good to go. After that, the outlook isn't too good. I'm inline for late spring 2009. It has to do with the incongruence between the American gov't and the Vietnamese gov't. The MOU (Memorandum of Understanding) has some points of contention and our gov't wants the changes. If it expires in 9-08 then that's that. At least for me. I will be quitting my job. And taking my little dog and my RV on a very long road trip around North America. I will be needing a housesitter. I'll ask if the time comes.

And as I said, I am very happy for all my Village at this special time to step out of the box (in this case getting OFF of it would be good here) to say "You are LOVED. You are APPRECIATED. You JOY UP my WORLD.

Cedar had fun yesterday.
And I had therapy.
And we sewed at school. It was fun.

Head up..ahh, yes. Found my feet, yup, and the ground, too.
Breathing, yes, breathing, again. Ok, good. Believed it would come.
Thanks, Village. I mean it. Help and support were right there--even before I asked.
Love the words on Breathing. Love them.

Here are a few I found this morning.
"Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our lives as they exist."---Natalie Goldberg

Ok, then.

Been learning to Breathe...again.
That's all I can say.

Boy, you can sure tell when I am out of it, up to here with it, and not too excited about it or anything else. That last entry was something...else. I just got back from doing the first set of hot-hot-hot laundry at the laundromat with an armload of math papers and timed tests to correct and log. Met an interesting man there with his daughters doing the family laundry. He was obviously part of a Friday night posse who do their laundry on early Friday night then go out to dinner afterwards. So, got a lot done. 4 loads in fact. + my coat. I forgot how nice warm things are right out of the dryer. And now it's time for a little green teamug of wine and some downtime with my silly dog. I might even read something other than schoolstuff. I get to choose. I am not happy about this weekend but I will be tomorrow.